Phantastic Mr Phantom
by Lone-Soprano-Of-Sopranoland
Summary: What if Christine was a bit smarter, the Phantom was directionally challenged, Madame Giry couldn't part with her IPhone, Meg was gun obsessed, Piagi was ghetto, and Raoul was a kleptomaniac? Craziness will ensue. Rated T for random reasons...I'm bad at summaries. Based on the 25th Anniversary POTO cast, with hints from other versions...
1. Chapter 1

This is just an idea I had in my head...sooo. Please R&R!

* * *

_The Characters:_

**The Phantom: **An actor who has played many male roles, and has serious anger-management issues, even for Erik, is directionally challenged, and has a slippery mask.

**Christine Daae: **An out-of-high-school actress who is too smart for her own good, is incredibly uncoordinated, and mixes up lyrics very easily.

**Raoul de Chagny: **Rude, klepto, forgetful actor who has played nothing but "extra" roles

**Meg: **An overly excited rapping, hip hop-ballerina, who is constantly stalking the Phantom. President of anti-Phantom Club.

**Madame Giry:** A 30 year woman who never smiles, hates her resemblance to Nanny McPhee, shouts a lot, and is addicted to her IPhone.

**Carlotta: **A real diva of an opera singer, who forgets the lyrics to a lot of her songs, and ends up singing random words

**Piagi: **A man who can sing opera, but speaks like a ghetto person.

**Andre: **Twin of Firmin. Finish each other sentences, and forgets people's names.

**Firmin: **Dumber twin of Andre. Doesn't finish his sentences.

**Buquet:** An actor whose always drunk or eating, but still thin.

**Reyer: **A piano playing Grammar Nazi

**Ballet Rats:** A bunch of young ballerinas who cannot stop texting or chatting in between songs, and scene transitions

**The Ensemble: **Lots of talented actors, who speak their minds in the song lyrics

**Lefevre: **Actor who bails on the Opera House, but keeps coming back since he forgot a bunch of stuff

**Auctioneer: **Bored, rude actor who has played the Auctioneer many times. Is transitioning to Rock of Ages.

**Old Raoul: **Old geezer who won't stop singing, or calling people random words

**Director: **The victim

**Music Teacher: **Happy-go-lucky music teacher

**Students:** Bored out of their minds

* * *

_(Somewhere in Paris)_

Auctioneer: Sold for 50 francs. (Gavels) Good-bye useless Opera junk.

Old lady: What?

Auctioneer: Nothing... Hey look! An old timey plaque with skulls and guns on it. Who wants it?

Old lady: I'll take it!

Auctioneer: Of course you would...

Old Raoul: Is there anything else?

Auctioneer: Well there's this music box we found in the cellars of the opera house with this creepy Aladdin monkey on top. It still plays this really old show-tune, that scares children. See?

(holds it out)

Auctioneer: It doesn't blink...

Old Raoul: I'll totally take it!

Old lady: I want it!

Auctioneer: Old people are so weird...

Old Raoul: (lunges at her with the speed of a sloth)

(Old people fight! Old Raoul wins)

Auctioneer: So much for such a creepy monkey box.

Old Raoul: A COLLECTORS PIECE INDEED!

Auctioneer: What the he-

Old Raoul: EVERY DETAIL EXACTLY AS SHE SAID.

Auctioneer: Seriously, why is he singing?

Old lady: Beats me.

Auctioneer: Indeed he did.

Everyone: ?

Old Raoul: SHE OFTEN SPOKE OF YOU, MY FRIEND!

Auctioneer: Has he gone senile, already?

Old Raoul: Can it, you old whippersnapper! I'm singing!

Old lady: I'm out. (leaves)

Director: (screams) GET BACK ON THE STAGE!

Audience child: Did you hear that?

Director:...

...

Old Raoul: YOUR VELVET LINING AND YOUR FIGURING OF LEAD! WILL YOU GO PLAY WHEN ALL THE REST OF US ARE DEAADDD!

Auctioneer: Yes. Yes it will. NOW SHUT UP, AND STOP SINGING!

Old Raoul: WHEN I ASK A QUESTION, I'M TALKING TO MIRANDA! NOT YOU!

Director: (in fetal position, crying) I should've stayed with "Jekyll & Hyde".

Guy standing next to Auctioneer, holding the musical box: Whose Miranda?

Old Raoul: She's been with me since the beginning, always there, standing beside me, and I'll love her forever.

Guy: Christine?

Old Raoul: (laughs) Nope. My hair. (touches what little of it is left)

Nun: Good, if it wasn't Christine, it would have to be a stalker.

Audience member #1: Is he ok?

Audience member #2: Probably drunk.

(Both shrug)

Auctioneer: (rubs his head in confusion) Whatever. Lot 666-

Random nun standing next to Raoul: Isn't that the number of the devil?

Phantom: I AM NOT THE DEVIL!

Old Raoul: That's a matter of opinion.

Nun: Aren't you part of a flash-back?

Phantom: Oh poop. (disappears)

Auctioneer: STOP INTERUPTING ME! (calms down) A chandelier in pieces. Man, who in their right mind would buy _that_ piece of shattered shi-

Director: (scream-whispering) STICK TO THE SCRIPT!

Auctioneer: Okay. Many of you may recall the strange affair of the Phantom of the Opera. If you don't, then we're gonna tell you anywa-

Director: (snaps an Auctioneer doll head off)

Auctioneer: This is the same chandelier that featured in that famous disaster. Our workshops have pieced it back with lots of superglue, duct tape, and put in in with electric wires a- Oh whatever!

(leaves)

(Overture plays)

Auctioneer: HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT!

Director: JUST GET OFF THE STAGE!

* * *

I do not own Rock of Ages. Please R&R


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter Two: Overture, Hannibal, and Think of Me _

* * *

Random Audience member: This is really loud!

Audience member #1: You get used to it.

Student: Such a cheap old man.

Student#2 called Byron: You said it.

* * *

_(Backstage)_

Director: Where's Carlotta?

Madame Giry: Mmm hm, Jerry. (staring at her IPhone) You're the best director ever.

Carlotta: WELL WHY CAN'T I? THAT'S A STUPID RULE!

Director: Carlotta, get on stage. You're missing your cues!

Carlotta: (rushes on stage the severed head in her hands)

Music: BUM BUM BUM BUM BUMP!

Carlotta: (Italian Opera nonsense only a linguist would understand)

Student #1: My ears hurt.

Student #2: What is she saying?

Ballet rats, and girl's ensemble: WITH FEASTING AND DANCING AND SONG, IN JOYOUS CELEBRATION! THIS MUSICAL HAPPENED ALL WRONG! BUT YAY! WERE STILL ALIVE NOW!

Audience: ?

Men's ensemble: THE TRUMPETS OF CARTHANGE NOW SOUND! HEAR ROMANS COME AND TREMBLE! OUR KING NEEDS TO LOOSE A FEW POUNDS!

Student named Shelby: They're not lying.

Entire ensemble: HEAR THE DRUMS! HANNIBAL COOOMMMMEEESSSS!

Piagi: (comes in looking like a Zeppelin with gladiator armor, singing) Sad to return to find the land we love  
threatened once more by Roma's far-reaching  
grasp!

Reyer: (banging an ugly chord on the piano) No, no, no! It's _Rome_- not Roma!

Piagi: What's yo' problem, homie! It's kinda difficlute for me!

Audience: ?

Carlotta: I know. It's weird.

Reyer: *eye twitch* Lets start again. Sad to return...

Piagi: SAD TO RETURN TO FIND THE LAND WE LOOOVVVEEE! THREATENED AGAIN BY _ROME'S _(pauses for an unnecessarily long amount of time) Finally! That Grammar Nazi is satisfied. Sheesh!

Reyer: I can hear you! Continue!

Piagi: *Eye roll* TOMORROW WE WILL BREAK THE CHAINS OF ROME! TONIGHT REJOICE! YOUR ARMY HAS COME HOMMMEEE!

Lefreve: And these are our ballet chicks (lead Andre and Firmin across the stage)

Ballet rats, Christine, and Meg: (begin an elaborate painful-looking ballet dance, in skimpy colorful outfits)

Andre and Firmin: (drools)

Christine: One...two...three...STRIKE!

(The music changes to Give Me Everything by Pitbull, and all the ballet dancers begin break-dancing)

Christine: TONIGHT, I LOVE ALL OF YOU TONIGHT! GIVE ME EVERYTHING TONIGHT! FOR ALL WE KNOW, WE MIGHT NOT GET TOMORROW, LETS DO IT TONIGHT!

Ballet Rats: DONT CARE WHAT THEY SAY, OR WHAT GAMES THEY PLAY! NOTHIN' IS ENOUGH, 'TILL I HAVE YOU'RE LOVE

Carlotta: (flips out)

Christine: LETS DO IT TONIGHT!

Ballet Rats: I WANT YOU TONIGHT, I WANT YOU TO STAY, I WANT YOU TONIGH-

Everyone: GRAB SOMEBODY SEXY, TELL 'EM HEY! GIVE ME EVERYTHING TONIGHT, GIVE ME EVERYTHING TONIGHT! GIVE ME EVERYTHING TONIGHT, GIVE ME EVERYTHING TONIGHT!

Meg: (rapping) TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE NIGHT! CAUSE TOMORROW MARKS THE DUKE BATTLE TO PERFORM FOR PRINCESSS! BUT TONIGHT I CAN MAKE YOU MY QUEEN AND MAKE L*VE TO YO-

Andre: Who is teaching them that?

Lefreve: That would be Madame Giry, our ballet instructor.

Madame Giry: (engrossed by the glowing screen on her IPhone) Go! Go! Go! Starfruit! YESS! One...more...swipe...YESSS! I BEAT MY HIGH SCORE! (does a weird looking happy dance, because everyone knows happiness in shown in bad dancing)

Firmin: ... That explains so much.

Lefreve: You get used to it... after a long, long, _long, long, long_ time.

Andre: (to Madame Giry, whose phone has died.) You have such lovely girls here...Especially that hot blonde.

Madame Giry: (Glaring) That would be my _only_ daughter, Meg.

Firmin: Whose the beautiful red-headed chick? She can dance, man!

Madame Giry: That's Christine Daae. I adopted her into my family.

Both: ...

Firmin: Daae...Like the late violinist?

Madame Giry: Yup. And she sucks at playing it.

(Christine creates a domino effect on the stage by failing a leap.)

Reyer: Everybody take five. (mumbling) Lord, have mercy on us!

Lefreve: This is Carlotta, our coloratura soprano diva, and our lead for the last three seasons, however long that is!

Andre: (kisses her hand) I'M LIKE YOUR BIGGEST FAN! I heard from someone that you have this song called Think of Me in Act Two! SING IT FOR ME! PLZ!

Everyone else: (groans)

Carlotta: QUIET BEFORE I SCRATCH OUT YOUR EYES! (calms down) Of course I would...

Reyer: (asleep on his piano)

Carlotta: Reyer...reyer...REYER! (he falls on the floor) I'm singing...SO PLAY!

Reyer: S-s-si-sixte-sixteen b-ba-bar-bars?

Carlotta: Yes.

Audience: _Someone_ needs to take a chill pill.

Carlotta: (in an operatic way so no one can understand her) Think of me,  
think of me fondly,  
when we've said  
goodbyeeeeee.  
Remember meee  
once in a while -  
please promise me  
you'll tryyyyyy.

When you find  
that, once  
again, you long  
to take your heart . . .

Phantom: Her voice annoys me. (whistling inconspicuously, he cuts down the back-drop)

Buquet: DOWN IT PLUNGED TO THE CAVERN OF HER HEEAADDD!

Phantom: Don't steal my song, man. (disappears)

Meg: HE'S THERE! THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERAAAA!

Phantom: You got dat right! (disappears, for real)

Carlotta: (screaming, and throwing a tantrum) GET THIS BACKDROP OFF OF MEEE!

Everyone: Nahhh...

Lefreve: BUQUET!

(Buquet falls off the catwalk)

Christine: Not till the end of Act One, dumb-dumb!

(Buquet walks back up the catwalk and down)

Buquet: PLEASE MOSUIER DON'T LOOK AT MEEE! I ASSURE YOU I WAS NOT AT MY POST-

Madame Giry: So you weren't doing your job? (sarcastically) Well, that's a real shocker...

Lefreve: I'M OUT! (runs out of the room)

Carlotta: *eye twitch* Zhese tings do appen?

Andre and Firmin: We didn't say anythi-

Carlotta: WELL UNTIL TINGS STOP 'APPENING, THIS TING DOES NOT APPEN! (runs away crying)

Piagi: Peace out, homies. (bumps his chest, makes a peace sign, and leaves)

Andre: She is coming back right?

Giry: Not a chance, man.

Firmin: Whose the understudy?

Meg: What's an understudy?

Andre: We have to refund a full house!

Ballet rat #1: You guys are loaded. Are you seriously that cheap?

Firmin: Aww, shi-

Madame Giry: BTW, I got this cool letter from the Opera Ghost.

Firmin: Aww, come on, man!

Madame Giry: He just welcomes you to his opera house-

Andre:_ His_ opera house?

Christine: Yup.

Madame Giry: And he says to keep Box Five empty for his use. And his monthly payment is due

Firmin: How much we talking? 100, 200? (drinks water)

Madame Giry: About 20,000 francs. But with you guys, he'll probably double it.

Firmin: (Begins choking)

Andre: Why are we paying him?

Madame Giry: So he doesn't kill us in our sleep.

Firmin: So we have no lead Queen, and we have to pay your psychopathic Opera Ghost.

Phantom: (from his lair) I'm a sociopath, not a psychopath. Get your facts straight.

(Awkward silence)

Meg: Christine Daae could play the part!

Christine: (makes enormous no symbol with both hands)

Firmin: The break-dancer?

Meg: She's been taking lessons from a great teacher.

Andre: What's his name?

Christine: I don't know. And I'm not comfortable singing in front of peop-

Madame Giry: This musical has almost no dialogue in it. Why sign up if you don't like public singing?

Christine: Well, I-

Madame Giry: Let her sing. She has been well taught.

Andre: Two bars?

Reyer: Kayzzees! (mumbling) We're doomed.

Firmin: Well she can't dance, and she's not confident, so this may be the only thing going for her.

Christine: Hey! I really don't think I sh-

Madame Giry: That wasn't a question. SING!

Christine: THINK OF ME, TH-THIN-THINK OF M-E-ME FOND-FONDLY! WHEN W-WE SAY GOOD-BYE- (tries to run away)

Madame Giry: (snaps Christine doll's head off)

Christine: REMEMBER ME! EVER SO OFTEN! PROMISE ME, YOU'LL TRYYYY! Wow, is this a break-up song?

Madame Giry: (snaps off Christine doll's leg)

Christine: ONCE YOU FIND, THAT ONCE AGAIN YOU LONG, TO TAKE YOUR HEART BACK AND BE FREEE! IF YOU EVER FIND A MOMMENT, STOP AND THINK OF MEEEEE!

(At the Gala)

Christine: (In full costume) Flowers fade, the fruits of summer fade, they have their seasons, so do we-  
but if  
you can still  
remember  
stop and think  
of me . . .

Think of all the things  
we've shared and seen -  
don't think about the things  
which might have been . . .

Think of me,  
think of me waking,  
silent and  
resigned.

Imagine me,  
trying too hard  
to put you  
from my mind.

Recall those days  
look back  
on all those times,  
think of the things  
we'll never do -  
there will  
never be  
a day, when  
I won't think  
of you . .

Young Raoul: (In the managers box) CAN IT BE? CAN IT BE CHRISTINE? BRAVA! BRAVA! WHAT A CHANGE! YOU REALLY AREN'T A BIT, THAT GAWKISH GIRL THAT YOU ONCE WERE!

Christine: Just because I'm on the stage and you're in the managers box, doesn't mean I can't hear you, random guy!

Raoul: Oh jeez. SHE MAY NOT REMEMBER ME! BUT I REMEMBER HER!

Christine: FLOWERS FADE! THE FRUITS OF SUMMER FADE! THEY HAVE THEIR SEASONS, SO DO WE! BUT IF YOU CAN STILL REMEMBER, STOP AND THINK- (Does her fancy high note thing) OOOOOFFFF MMEEEEEE!

(Bows and hits her head on the floor)

(Applause from both real and fake audiences)

Director: Oh jeez. (chews his nails for the next scene)

Madame Giry: YESS! MY PHONE IS FULLY CHARGED! I'M COMING HOME, CANDY CRUSH! (runs backstage like a crazy lady)

* * *

**Thanks to all who reviewed and favorited! Please R&R!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you guys for reviewing and favoriting! Iceflower, My other fic. POTO, LM, and J+H has been updated... Enjoy!**

* * *

_Chapter Three: Angel of Music:_

* * *

Audience: That was...interesting.

Byron: How much longer until its over?

Shelby: (looks at her phone) About three hours.

Byron: GAHHH!

Shelby: It goes faster than it seems.

Byron: If they sing another song, I promise, I'll strangle myself.

Shelby: You won't live for 30 seconds, then. The thing is sung-through, man.

Byron: (cries in his chair)

* * *

(Backstage)

Ballet Rats: (Texting)

Director: (hits his head with his script) Get on stage.

Ballet Rat named Daphne: In a minute! My boyfriend just sent me a text.

Director: I don't care! Get on the stage.

Ballet Rat name Gabrielle: No!

Director: Finnee...I didn't want to do this, but you leave me no choice..(rolls up his director's edition script, and begins smacking the Ballet Rats with it)

Ballet Rats: Oww...

Director: Get on the stage!

(Ballet rats run on, angrily run on, cursing the director)

Ballet Rats: Christine, you were awesome!

Christine: Thank you... I never though I could do it...

Gabrielle: Neither did we.

Christine: What?

Ballet Rats: Nothin'

(Madame Giry walks in, looking really bored)

Madame Giry: (emotionless) Yes. You did well. He will be pleased.

Ballet Rats: (texting)

Madame Giry: (to the ballet rats) And you...you were a disgrace! Such ron- such rone de- such tour- such tour de-such...GAHH! Stupid French ballet terms. Just go and practice!

Ballet Rats: (Are texting again)

Madame Giry: (bangs a hole in the stage with her cane)

Audience toddler: Look, mommy! It's Nanny McPhwee!

Madame Giry: I AM NOT NANNY MCPHEE!

(Ballet Rats go to the corner of the stage to practice, while Christine goes into her room, and locks the door)

Phantom's voice: BRAVA, BRAVA, BRAVISSIMA!

Meg: CHRISTINE, CHRISTINE! Aw crud, her door is locked. (starts to pick the lock)

Phantom's voice: CHRISTINEEEE!

Meg: (opens the door, singing) WHERE IN THE WORLD HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING? REALLY YOU WERE PERFECT!

Christine: How did you get in here? The door was locked.

Meg: (holds up hairpin)

Christine: My door was locked for a reason. (locks it again)

Meg: I ONLY WISH I KNEW YOUR SECRET! WHO IS THIS NEW TUTOR?

Christine: I'm not gonna tell you.

Meg: (puppy eyes) But whhhyyyy?

Christine: (gets out of her enormous hoop skirt, and takes off her pointe shoes) Because its a secret. So I'm not planning to tell you anytime soon.

Meg: Please?

Christine: (ties a robe around herself) No.

Meg: Please?

Christine: No.

Meg: Please?

Christine: No.

Meg: Please?

Christine: No.

Meg: (pulls out a Christine doll and snaps the spine)

Christine: Where are those things coming from? Its like everyone has a doll of everyone!

Meg: Oh, this guy, called O.G is selling them. 5 frances a piece. So tell me your secret!

Christine: NO!

Meg: (yanks off Christine doll's head)

Christine: FINE! FATHER ONCE SPOKE OF AN ANGEL! I USED TO DREAM HE'D APPEAR! NOW AS I SING, I CAN SENSE HIM, AND I KNOW HE'S HERE!

Meg: (pulls out a revolver and points it at the ceiling)

Christine: GUN!

Meg: Calm down.

Christine: (slaps it away) What are you doing? Love Never Dies is next year!

Phantom's voice: I can't believe we have to perform that abomination.

Meg: Trying to scare away your stalker! What does it look like?

Phantom's voice: Do you want her to answer honestly?

Meg: (clicks the revolver)

Christine: He's not a stalker!

Meg: Sure... because normal people follow you wherever you go!

Christine: HERE IN THIS ROOM, HE CALLS ME SOFTLY! SOMEWHERE INSIDE HIDING-

Meg: (loads revolver)

Christine: SOMEHOW I KNOW HE'S ALWAYS WITH ME! HE, THE UNSEEN GENUIS!

Meg: (Pointing it at the ceiling) You've lost your mind, haven't you?

Christine: Nope.

Meg: CHRISTINE, YOU MUST HAVE BEEN DREAMING-or hallucinating- STORIES LIKE THIS DON'T COME TRUE! CHRISTINE, YOUR TALKING IN RIDDLES! AND IT'S NOT LIKE YOU- you usually talk in rhyme.

Christine: (overly-excited) ANGEL OF MUSIC, GUIDE AND GUARDIAN, GRANT TO ME YOUR GLORY!

Meg: (examines her tea on the table, and sniffs it) Are you on drugs?

Christine: !;)

Meg: WHO IS THIS STA- ANGEL THIS-

Both: ANGEL OF MUSIC, HIDE NO LONGER, SECRECT AND STRANGE, CHANGES!

Meg: (pointing revolver at the rafters) Here Phantom, phantom, phantom. Here phantom.

Phantom's voice: I'm not that stupid.

Meg: (shoots)

Phantom's voice: Missed.

Meg: (shoots an entire round of bullets, into the ceiling, and misses all of them) For the Phan-club!

Phantom's voice: You're a lousy shot.

Christine: (picks one up) Is this a jawbreaker?

Meg: (shoots another round of bullets, and misses all of them, again) Yes. Mom won't allow real ones.

Phantom's voice: I rest my case. You stink.

Christine: (pulls the gun out of her hands) You'll tear the roof apart!

Meg: Like I care. They're jawbreakers. They break on contact.

Christine: But they still made holes in the ceiling.

Meg: Small holes. Small holes.

Christine: 'Lots of them.

Director: Just sing the rest of the dumb song!

Christine: Finnnneeee...HE'S WITH ME EVEN NOW-

Meg: (loads revolver again, with lots of red jawbreakers) Where is he?

Director: (snaps both of Meg doll's legs off)

Meg: YOUR HANDS ARE COLD- or maybe its the gun-holster in your hands.

Christine: ALL AROUND ME-

Phantom's voice: You got dat, right.

Meg: (shoots at the ceiling)

Christine and Director: !;(

Meg: YOUR FACE, CHRISTINE, IS WHITE- well it depends on the version, and not all Europeans are white. Stupid stereo-types.

Christine: IT FRIGHTENS ME- Seriously, how has no one noticed the multiple gunshots, coming from this room? They were kinda loud.

Meg: DON'T BE FRIGHTENED! The people here are deaf.

(Madame Giry walks in)

Meg: Never mind what I just said. Be afraid. Be _very_ afraid.

Christine: THERE IS SUCH THING AS KNOCKING!

Madame Giry: (holds up a credit card)

Christine: At least, now I know where your getting it from.

Madame Giry: Why are there holes in the ceiling?

Meg: (hides candy gun behind her back) No reason. (winks at Christine)

Madame Giry: (Bangs another hole in the ground with her cane) Meg Elena Giry, are you a dancer.

Meg: Sur-

Madame Giry: Then go and practice.

Christine: Elena?

Meg: Yep.

Christine: M-E-G? So you're initals spell your name.

Meg: Yep.

Madame Giry: GO PRACTICE! (Meg runs out)

Christine: O.o

Madame Giry: The Vicomte asked me to give you this, since he's too lazy to get his lazy butt over here. (gives her a letter, and walks out)

Christine: (opens it up) A red scarf...the attic...Little Lotte...Aww come on! Can't I have five minutes alone.

Everyone outside the door: NO!


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for the Reviews. Here's Chapter 4... Enjoy!

* * *

_Chapter 4: Little Lotte, and the Mirror:_

* * *

Byron: Meg's crazy.

Shelby: And you've haven't even met the Phantom yet.

* * *

(Firmin, Madame Firmin, Andre and Raoul are walking back from the gala, to Christine's dressing room.)

Andre: A tour de france! No other way to describe it!

Mme. Firmin: Force, not France. A tour de force, darling.

Raoul: You're spending way too much time with Reyer.

Mme. Firmin: Whatever. (guzzles champagne)

Firmin: What a relief ! Not a single refund!

Mme. Firmin: Greedy.

Andre: Richard, I think we've made quite a discovery in Miss  
Daae!

Madame Giry: (from backstage) I DISCOVERED HER! THAT WAS ME!

Andre: DOES IT LOOK LIKE I CARE?

(A high heeled shoe hits him in the head)

Andre: OWW!

Firmin: (pointing at Christine's room) Here we are, Monsieur le Vicomte.

Raoul: Gentlemen if you wouldn't mind. This is one visit I  
should prefer to make unaccompanied.

(He takes the champagne from Firmin. Andre and Firmin exchange a suggestive look)

Andre: As you wish, monsieur.

Raoul: Gross. (tries to open door. Its locked)

Raoul: Its locked! (starts to pick the lock with a paper-clip)

Andre: Are you sure that's a good idea?

Raoul: Yeah...See? (door unlocks)

Firmin: Wow...I need to learn how to do that!

Raoul: (Shakes hands with both of them) Bye!

(They bow and move off)

Firmin: They appear to have met before . . .

Andre: Where's my watch?

Raoul: (walks into Christine's room, closing the door behind him, twirling Andre's gold watch in his hands.)

Christine: (Is listening to music, with ear-buds in, with her eyes closed) AS LONG AS I GOT MY SUIT AND TIE! I'LL LEAVE IT ALL ON THE FLOOR TONIGHT-

Raoul: Christine?

Christine: BABY GOT FIXED UP TO THE NINES. LEMME SHOW YA A FEW-

Raoul: Christine?

Christine: This song is boring...FADED PICTURES ON THE WALL. ITS LIKE THEIR TALKING TO ME!

Raoul: Christine?

Christine: PUT ON YOUR PRETTY LIES, YOUR IN THE CITY OF WONDER-

Raoul: (yanks out ear-buds) CHRISTINE!

Christine: BALAHHHH! (falls out of her chair, and bangs her head on the floor again) WHAT THE HEL- Raoul?

Raoul: Christine?

Christine: ;7

Raoul: Where is your red scarf?

Christine: (dizzy from hitting her head) What?

Raoul: You can't have lost it. After all the trouble I took.  
I was just fourteen and soaked to the skin . . .

Christine: Because you had run into the sea to fetch my scarf.  
Oh, Raoul. So it is you!

Raoul: Christine!

(They hug, and laugh. Christine sits on her dressing room table)

Raoul: By the way, here's your scarf. (drops it on the table)

Christine: You stole it?

Raoul: Yep. And Andre's watch, and Madame Giry's brooch, and (drones on and on)

Christine: O.o

Raoul: LITTLE LOTTE, LET HER MIND WANDER-

Christine: You remember that too? Man, I shoulda burned that scrap-book.

Raoul: LITTLE LOTTE, THOUGHT AM I FONDER OF DOLLS-

Christine: (flips through a dictionary) So singing instead of talking is a thing now? OK...

Raoul and Christine: OF GOBLINS, OF SHOES...

Christine: Lotte is a type of big-mouthed fish with a wormy tongue. (raises an eyebrow)

Raoul: I'm talking about the fairy tale person.

Christine: (By herself) OR OF RIDDLES, OF FROCKS...

Raoul: Those picnics, in the attic. OR OF THE CHOCLATES WE STOLE!

Christine: Father, playing that screechy, annoying violin-

Raoul: As we read to each other dark stories of the North. (does an evil laugh)

Christine: (scoots away) NO WHAT I LOVE MOST, LOTTE SAID! IS WHEN I'M ASLEEP IN MY BED, AND TE ANGEL OF MUSIC SINGS SONGS IN MY HEAD!

Both: THE ANGEL OF MUSIC SINGS SONGS IN MY HEAD!

Raoul: Are you sure you're not schizophrenic?

Christine: I'm gonna tell everyone you still play with Barbies.

Raoul: Leave them out of this! Remember, I'm funding this Opera House.

Christine: Fair point, fair point.

(Awkward silence)

Christine: My name's Christine... why are you calling me Lotte?

Raoul: ? Sounds cute?

Christine: (eye-roll) Father said, "When I'm in heaven, child, I will send the  
Angel of Music to you".

Raoul: Are you sure he was serious? He was screaming "THE PINK BUNNIES HAVE COME TO KILL ME" for like three days. He could have been hallucinating.

Christine: You still read fairy tales at 14. We all have something to hide.

Raoul: I read them until I was 15, actually.

Christine: Why would you admit to that?

Raoul: I'm just that real.

Christine: Anyways. Well, father is dead, Raoul, and  
I have been visited by the Angel of Music.

Raoul: Sure...whatever you say...But now we go to supper.

Christine: No, Raoul. The Angel of Music is very stric-

Raoul: I insist. I shan't keep you up late.

Christine: Raou-

Raoul: You must change. I must get my hat. Two minutes. (walks out)

Christine: RAOUL!

Raoul: Little Lotte. (laughs and walks away)

Christine: FOP!

(Scrambles around her room, knocking things over, for absolutely no good reason)

Christine: Thinks have changed, Raoul.

Phantom's voice: INSOLENT BOY! THIS SLAVE OF FASHION! BASKING IN YOUR GLORY-

Christine: Awww... wait how much of that did you hear?

Phantom's voice: Pretty much all of it.

Christine: (raises an eyebrow)

Phantom's voice: INGNORANT FOOL! THIS BRAVE YOUNG SUITOR! SHARING IN MY TRIUMPH!

Christine: Triumph in what? We really haven't gotten anywhere since I was fiv-

Director: (snaps Christine doll's neck)

Christine: ANGEL, I HEAR YOU SPEAK! I LISTEN! Well, duh. You were pretty much shouting with pitch, a-

Director: *evil glare*

Christine: STAY BY MY SIDE! GUIDE ME! Guide me where? I don't plan on going anywhere anywa-

Director: (Grinds up Christine doll's severed head)

Christine: ANGEL, MY SOUL WAS WEAK! FORGIVE ME! ENTER AT LAST, MASTER...

Meg and ballet rats: (from offstage) EWWW!

Christine: GET YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER!

Phantom's voice: *snickers*

Director: *in fetal position, rocking back and forth*

Phantom's voice: FLATTERING CHILD, YOU SHALL KNOW ME! SEE WHY IN SHADOWS I HIDE! LOOK AT YOUR FACE IN THE MIRROR! I AM THERE INSIDE!

Christine: (Sees the Phantom in her mirror) SCREAM! How long have you been in there?

Phantom: The last five minutes...

Christine: ANGEL OF MUSIC, GUIDE AND GUARDIAN, GRANT TO ME YOUR GLORY! Wow I have waaayy too much trust in you-

Phantom: We all know that.

Christine: ANGEL OF MUSIC, HIDE NO LONGER! COME TO ME, STRANGE ANGEL!

Phantom: I AM YOUR ANGEL OF MUSIC! COME TO ME ANGEL OF MUSIC! (mirror opens and fog spills out)

Christine: (Walks up) How fitting...you have a white body halo...and a fedora...

Dumb Audience Child: LOOK! ITS PERRY THE PLATYPUS!

Students: *laugh*

(Phantom throws a rock in the kid's direction)

Child: OWW!

Christine: (Takes his hand) Man, your hands are freezing!

Phantom: Suck it up...Now, where was I...Oh yeah. I AM YOUR ANGEL OF MUSIC. COME TO ME ANGEL OF MUSIC!

Christine: Who is the angel of music? You or me? Because it was kinda confusing the way you said it...

Phantom: I guess we'll find out on the way down.

Raoul: (From outside the door) CHRISTINE, CHRISTINE!

Christine: Quick! Before he finds us.

Phantom: Good point. (closes the mirror, really fast)

Raoul: (Opens the door) CHRISTINE! ANGEL! WHERE ARE YOU? Aw, come on!

* * *

**Next is the Phantom of the Opera... Please R&R!**


	5. Chapter 5

**I was thinking of doing Love Never Dies after this...tell me what you think... **

**Thank you to all who favorite and reviewed! Y'all all get an ice cream shower! GO SHIPPINGS and newbornphanatic! YOU GUYS ARE BOMB! **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_Chapter Five: The Phantom of the Opera:_

* * *

Shelby: Yes! I LOVE THESE NEXT SONGS!

Byron: (trying to cut his wrist with the program.) Make it stop, make it stop...

Shelby: Shut up! OMG, ITS HEERRREEEE!

Phans: *GROUP SQUEE* WE LOVE YOU ERIK!

Byron: If there was a God in heaven, he would let me die.

Fantine: That's my line! Don't steal it!

Byron and Shelby: O.o

Fans of LM: WE LOVE YOU FANTINE!

Phans: Ehh...

Fans: HOW _DARE_ YOU! LES MIS FOREVER!

Phans: PHANTOM!

Fans: LES MIS!

Phans: PHANTOM!

Fans: LES MIS!

Byron: (covers his ears)

Fantine: I'm quite fond of both, actually. There both pretty awesome.

Everyone: TRUE!

Byron: YOU CAN STOP SPEAKING IN ALL CAPS NOW!

Everyone: OK!

* * *

_(On stage)_

Raoul: Christine, where are you? (tears through all her stuff)

Christine: (is still behind the mirror with the Phantom) I'm gonna kill that Vicomte!

Phantom: Not if I beat you to him...How do you even know him?

Christine: He was like my baby-sitter. So he sat on me a lot.

Phantom: Seriously?

Raoul: (opens her drawer) Christine, are you in there?

Phantom: Now I see it... Man, that kid is stupid.

Christine: His mom had butter-fingers when he was a baby. Must've dropped him on his head, one-too-many times...

Raoul: (opens her diary)

Christine: (throws a rock at his head)

Phantom: Nailed it! Oh no, he's looking at the mirror!

Christine: Let's break for it!

(Both run down the hall)

Raoul: ?!

Audiences: (Applaud wildly)

Raoul: Aw, come on! (storms out)

* * *

Christine: (still running) So which on of us is the Angel of Music?

Phantom: (still running) What?

Christine: Don't you remember? In the mirror, like, five minutes ago?

Phantom: Oh yeah...Beats me.

(Runs for like five minutes)

Christine: (stops running, heaving, and hoeing) Oh-my-gosh-

Phantom: Why have you stopped?

Christine: (gasping, putting a hand on her heart) Be-cau-se- I'm- tired, genius!

Phantom: We haven't even gone that far. The lake is still a whiles away.

Christine: STITCH! (collapses onto the floor) Man, I need to work out more.

Phantom: (jogging in place) I'm running in a French suit, and I'm still faster than you!

Christine: (Puppy eyes) Don't you have a horse, or something?

Phantom: We're on a stage...

Christine: They had real horses and elephants in Aida!

Phantom: That was an opera. This is a musical.

Christine: How am I suppose to get all the way to your lair?

Phantom: You got legs. Use 'em.

Christine: (gets up, with the Phantom's help) What a gentleman...

Phantom: You're welcome.

* * *

_(On a catwalk)_

Christine: Are you sure you know where you're going?

Phantom: (Walks her back and forth on the catwalk) Duh. I live down here.

Christine: But aren't we supposed to be on the stage?

Phantom: In a little bit.

Director: Christine, you're supposed to be singing.

Christine: That makes no sense.

Director: *Death glare*

Christine: *rolls her eyes* Finnneeeee...IN SLEEP HE SANG TO ME-

Phantom: You heard that?

Christine: Its nearly impossible for you to sing quietly. You woke me up, like three times, in the middle of the night.

Phantom: Dang it!

Christine: IN DREAMS HE CAME-

Phantom: (raises his one visible eyebrow) You _dreamed _about me?

Christine: That is none of your business.

Phantom: Then why did you just say that out loud?

Christine: (bangs her fist on her forehead)

Phantom: (smiles and does a happy dance)

Director: (cries in his chair)

Christine: THE VOICE THAT CALLS FOR ME.

Phantom: Yup.

Christine: AND SPEAKS MY NAME!

Phantom: Yup.

Christine: AND DO I DREAM AGAIN! FOR NOW I FIINNNNNDDDD! THE PHHHHHAAAAANTOM OF THE OPERA IS THERE! INSIDE MY MIND! Jeez, I need to get checked after this.

(Electric guitars start to play "The Beauty Underneath" from Love Never Dies.)

Phantom: HAVE YOU EVER YEARNED TO GO PAST THE WORLD YOU THINK YOU KNOW? BEEN ENTHRALLED TO THE CALL OF THE BEAUTY UNDERNEATH?

Christine: What?

Phantom: HAVE YOU LET IT DRAW YOU IN! PAST THE PLACE WERE DREAMS BEGIN? FELT THE FULL BREATHLESS PULL OF THE BEAUTY UNDERNEATH?

Christine: Since when where there electric guitars in operas?

Phantom: Since teens started hating them.

Christine: That makes sense.

Director: (panics) THATS THE WRONG SONG, YOU IDIOTS!

Electric guitarists: Ohh...whops. (Start to play the theme song)

Phantom: Aww...come on! I was in the zone!

Director: (jumps up and down on Phantom doll)

Phantom: Finnnnneeeee! SING ONCE AGAIN WITH ME! OUR STRANGE DUET! MY POWER OVER YOU, GROWS STRONGER YET!

Christine: You have absolutely no power over me whatsoever... I'm a free spirit!

Phantom: Whatever...AND THOUGH YOU TURN FROM ME, TO GLANCE BEHIND-

Christine: Obviously, I didn't think this through. (Sprints in the opposite direction)

Phantom: (punjabs her waist and drags her back to him) THE PHHHHAAAAAANTOM OF THE OPERA IS THERE! INSIDE YOUR MINNDDDD! (throws her into a door)

Christine: OWWW!

Phantom: Sorry...Now where's the key... (starts flipping through keys)

Christine: You have got to be kidding me.

Phantom: (drops keys) Awww...CURSE WORDS!

Christine: (bangs her head against the door-frame)

Phantom: (unlocks the door) Got it!

Christine: About time!

* * *

_(In the gondala) _

Christine: ROW, ROW,ROW, ROW YOUR BOAT, GENTLY DOWN THE STR-

Phantom: Continue and I will throw you off this boat.

Christine: But we've been rowing for hours, and all I've seen is water and more caverns! And this fog? Its so think, I can't see my hand in front of my face!

Phantom: Oh, suck it up! How do you think I'm feeling? My arms are killing me, since this thing is heavy, and _you're not helping_!

Christine: Are you calling me _fat_?

Phantom: No! No, I'm not... Its probably the boat...

Christine: Nice save, Angel. Nice save.

Director: You're supposed to be singing!

Christine: But I'm so _tired_...

Director: (stomps on Christine doll)

Christine: Jerk.

Phantom: I know, right?

Director: (takes Christine doll's head, and splits it down the middle)

Christine: You're evil. But...ALL WHO HAVE SEEN YOUR FACE! DRAW BACK IN FEAR! I AM THE MASK YOU WEAR!

Phantom: ITS ME THEY HEAR!

Christine: What was Andrew thinking when he wrote this song? You're wearing a mask, already, so I'm pretty sure that its not physically possible to use a full human body as a mask, and I don't sound at all like you, at all! I'M NOT A BOY!

Audience boy: Only one way to find out...

Christine: I HEARD THAT! (throws a rock at his head)

Phantom: You go, girl! Hey... I think I know where I'm going, now!

Christine: Great!

Audience boy: OWWW!

Christine and the Phantom: OH SUCK IT UP!

Director: START SINGING OR YOU'RE BOTH FIRED!

Phantom and Christine: Finneee... MY/ YOUR SPIRIT AND MY/ YOUR VOICE IN ONE COMBINED! THE PHHAAAANNNNTOM OF THE OPERA IS THERE/ HERE! INSIDE MY/ YOUR MIND!

Christine: This song is so repetitive...

Phantom: It's almost over... Oh jeez, IN ALL YOUR FANTASIES, YOU ALWAYS KNEW-

Christine: (turns red) Have you been reading my diary?

Phantom: I chose not to answer that... THAT MAN AND MYSTERY-

Christine: WERE BOTH IN YOU! Wait, you're not a man. I've been calling you my Angel of Music this entire time...

Phantom and Christine: AND IN THIS LABARITHYN! WHERE NIGHT IS BLINNNDDDD! THE PHHHAAAANNNNTTOMMM OF THE OPERA IS THERE! INSIDE YOUR MIND!

Christine: Night can't be blind. It's dark in itself!

Phantom: You are waaay too smart to play Christine.

Christine: Aww... thanks.

Phantom: SING! MY ANGEL OF MUSIC!

Christine: HE'S THERE! THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!

Phantom: (docks the boat) SING!

Christine: As if I wasn't already. (starts vocalizing)

Phantom: SING!

Christine: (goes higher)

Byron: That cannot be healthy...

Phantom: SING!

Christine: Dude, stop interrupting me! This thing is hard!

Phantom: No, its not!

Christine: (puts her hands on her hips, and raises an eyebrow) Oh, really? I'd like to see you try...

Phantom: Just do it.

Christine: Finnneee...(vocalizes really high)

Phantom: SING!

Christine: (vocalizes higher)

Phantom: SING FOR ME!

Christine: (hits a crazy high note)

(All the glass in the concert hall shatters)

Byron: (covering his ears) My ears! What kind of sick, twisted music teacher would do that?

Phantom: (death glare) I can hear and see you, Byron Jenkins.

Velma: Jinkes! My glasses! (picks the glasses' shards off the floor)

Byron: How does he know my name?

Phantom: I'm the flippin' Phantom of the Opera, man! I see all, hear all, and know all.

Byron: ...

* * *

**Please R&R!**


	6. Chapter 6

**THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS, GUYS! YOU MAK MY HEART SOAR! and nebornphanatic...CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!**

* * *

_Chapter Six: The Music of the Night:_

* * *

Byron: This guy is completely insane!

Phantom: (from the stage) That's a matter of opinion.

Everyone: Well...you're a bit nutty...

Shelby and Phangirls: WE LOVE YOU, ERIK!

Phantom: Yay!

* * *

(Christine has just finished her high note)

Christine: (crouching on the ground, covering her throat) I hate Andrew Lloyd Webber...

Phantom: (walks to his pipe organ)

Christine: What kind of sicko puts a note that high in a musical?!

Phantom: (holds hands up defensively) I didn't write it... I'm just performing.

Christine: (wheezing) Andrew's getting a strongly worded letter for this...

Director: You're supposed to be singing!

Christine: No way, man! Not after that!

Director: I was talking about Mr. Mask over there.

Phantom: Oh yeah... (Bangs chords on his organ) I HAVE BROUGHT YOU, TO THE SEAT OF SWEET MUSIC'S THRONE! TO THIS KINGDOM WHERE ALL MUST PAY HOMAGE TO MUSIC...MUSIC!

Christine: This kingdom is tiny, man.

Phantom: Its a metaphor.

Christine: (rasps) For what?

Phantom: I have no idea...

Director: (throws his script on the ground)

Phantom: Oh jeez...YOU HAVE COME HERE, FOR ONE PURPOSE AND ONE ALONE... well that's a big lie-

Christine: What?

Phantom: Nothin'...SINCE THE MOMMENT I FIRST HEARD YOU SING, I HAVE NEEDED YOU WITH ME TO SERVE ME TO SING FOR MY MUSIC...MY MUUUSSIIICCC!

Christine: You can't be serious...

Phantom: Well its the truth.

Christine: Let's take a stroll back down memory lane, shall we?

* * *

_(Flashback time, to when Christine was 5, which was like 12 years ago)_

Young Christine: (lights a candle for her dad, in this atticy place) I miss you, daddy. (picks up his violin) But this thing has go to go.

(Smashes it on the floor multiple times)

Phantom: Aww... she's as insane as I am.

Young Christine: (starts singing, incredibly off-key) CAUSE BABY TONIGHT, THE DJ GOT US FALLING IN LOVE AGAIN-

Phantom: (covers his ears) Man, that girl is something. Sounds like my cat giving birth...Maybe, since I have no life as it is, I could coach her in singing and she could become a star! Wait... But I'm a tenor AND NOT A BARITONE, PEOPLE, and she's a soprano, and she'll probably want to know stupid personal things about me, like my name, and my age, and why I wear a mask...But who cares? Deceiving is the best way to make new friends!

Young Christine: SO DANCE, DANCE LIKE ITS THE LAST, LAST NIGHT OF YOUR LIFE, LIFE. GONNA GET YOU RIGHT-

Phantom: (singing softly) CHRISTINE, CHRISTINE...

Young Christine: Finnick?

Phantom: No.

Young Christine: Jacob?

Phantom: Wrong again.

Young Christine: Edward?

Phantom: Oh God, no!

Young Christine: (disappointed) Meg, you lied to me! (looks up) Then who are you?

Phantom: I am your Angel of Music!

Young Christine: (raises an eyebrow) Daddy Daae said something about that before he died...But he started petting the wall and calling it Mirelle, so I thought he was just hallucinating...

Phantom: Nope. I'm the real deal, sweetheart.

Young Christine: (throws a rock at his head)

Phantom: (falls off the beam, he was balancing on, and crashes onto the floor, next to Christine) WHAT WAS THAT FOR?

Young Christine: You wouldn't show yourself, Angel, so I did for you... Why are you wearing a mask?

Phantom: Because masks are awesome.

Young Christine: No, there not.

Phantom: Is too.

Young Christine: Is not!

Phantom: Is too!

Young Christine: Is not!

Phantom: Is too!

Young Christine: Is not!

Phantom: Okay, I'm done now.

Young Christine: Did you honestly think I'd trust someone I've never saw, whole-heartedly?

Phantom: Pretty much.

Young Christine: I'm not stupid... So why are you here, exactly?

Phantom: I was gonna give you voice lessons. How does that sound?

Young Christine: Sound a heck of a lot better than doing ballet all day. Gotta go! Madame Giry gets crabby real fast! (Sprints out the door)

Phantom: Sweet. I have a new pupil! What's the worst that could happen?

* * *

_(Flashback ended)_

Phantom: I told you so!

Christine: Whatever...

Director: That scene wasn't suppose to happen!

Phantom: NIGHTTIME SHARPENS, HEIGHTENS EACH SENSATION-

Christine: Sensation of what?

Phantom: DARKNESS STIRS, AND WAKES IMAGINATION-

Christine: What kind of imagination are we taking about?

Phantom: SILENTLY THE SENSES ABANDON THEIR DEFENSES!

Christine: So you want me to get high?

Phantom: Not yet.

Christine: WHAT!?

Phantom: SLOWLY, GENTLY, NIGHT UNFURLS ITS SPLENDOR! GRASP IT, SENSE IT! TREMULOUS AND TENDER!

Christine: That makes no sense, at all. But your voice sounds nice...(goes starry-eyed)

Phantom: TURN YOUR FACE AWAY FROM THE GARISH LIGHT OF DAY! TURN YOUR THOUGHTS AWAY FROM COLD, UNFEELING LIGHT! AND LISTEN TO THE MUSIC OF THE NIGHT!

Christine: Awww...Pretty mask...

Phantom: CLOSE YOUR EYES AND SURRENDER TO YOUR DARKEST DREAMS! PURGE YOUR THOUGHTS OF THE LIFE YOU KNEW BEFORE-

Christine: I wish I could. Madame Giry would have never been born.

Phantom: CLOSE YOUR EYES, LET YOUR SPIRIT START TO SOOOOAAAARRR! AND YOU'LL LIVE AS YOU'VE NEVER LIVED BEFORE!

Christine: Is that necessary a good thing?

Phantom: Beats me.

Director: SING ALREADY!

Phantom: SOFTLY, DEFTLY, MUSIC SHALL CARESS YOU! HEAR IT, FEEL IT! SECRETLY POSSESSS YOU!

Christine: You're still not making much sense

Phantom: OPEN UP YOUR MIND, LET YOUR FANTASIES UNWIND-

Christine: (turns even redder) How much of my diary did you read?

Phantom: I've decided not to answer that question... LET YOUR FANTASIES UNWIND! IN THIS DARKNESS THAT YOU KNOW YOU CANNOT FIGHT-

Christine: Well, I can try.

Phantom: THE DARKNESS OF THE MUSIC OF THE NIGHT! LET YOUR MIND START A JOURNEY TO A STRANGE NEW WORLD! LEAVE ALL THOUGHTS OF THE LIFE YOU KNEW BEFORE!

Christine: You've said that, like three times, already. I get the picture.

Phantom: LET YOUR SOUL TAKE YOU WHERE YOUU LONG TO BEEEEEEE!

Christine: Um... Why is this song so repetitive?

Director and Phantom: (shrugs)

Phantom: ONLY THEN, CAN YOU BELONG TO MEEE! (runs his hands over Christine)

Christine: (runs away) PDA!

Phantom: What was _that_?

Christine: What the heck is wrong with you!?

Phantom: What did I do?

Christine: (hyper-ventilates)

Phantom: I think you're hyper-ventilatin-

Christine: I was perfectly fine, until you started getting all handsy, and talking about me belonging to you!

Phantom: Fine, I promise I won't do it again. (crosses fingers behind his back)

Christine: Just finish the stupid song!

Phantom: (holds Christine softly) FLOATING, FALLING, SWEET INTOXICATION-

Christine: I knew it! That's why your acting so insane!

Phantom: I'm not high!

Christine: Keep telling yourself that...

Phantom: Whatever...TOUCH ME, TRUST ME, SAVOR EACH SENSATION!

Christine: (reaches up to touch his mask)

Phantom: Don't touch the mask!

Christine: Now you know how it feels!

Phantom: LET THE DREAM BEGIN LET YOUR DARKER SIDE GIVE IN-

Christine: You want me to get sunburned?

Phantom: Oh my gosh...sometimes you're smart, sometimes you're dense. It's getting hard to keep up...

Christine: I'll pull off that mask, if you don't stop talking.

Phantom: TO THE POWER OF THE MUSIC THAT I WRITE! THE POWER OF THE MUSIC OF THE NIGHT! (pulls off a tarp to reveal a doll of Christine, in a wedding dress)

Christine: So you're the guy whose making those dolls!

Phantom: I have a life outside of tormenting the Opera Populaire.

Christine: (touches doll's face) Is that supposed to be me?

Phantom: Well, this is awkward...

Christine: Then why did you show this to me?

Phantom: I really don't know...

Christine: (looks closely at the doll) My nose is not that big!

Phantom: It looks like that when you're sleeping.

Christine: You watch me sleep?

Phantom: Only on Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays.

Christine: That was so we- (sandbag hits her on the head, knocking her out)

Byron: Is she still alive?

Shelby: Of course.

Phantom: (picks her up) Thank you, Jesus, for getting me out of that one. (puts her in the gondala, and covers her with his cape) YOU ALONE CAN MAKE MY SONG TAKE FLIIGGHHTT! HELP ME MAKE THE MUSIC OF THE...NNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

Audience: (Applauds wildly)

* * *

**Please R&R!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you for all the helpful reviews! They make my heart soar...And Pay for Shippings...nothing will happen...yet. Iceflower...I guarantee Past the Point of No Return is going to be absolutely ridiculous! I'm sorry if this chapter isn't as funny as the others. Its kinda hard to make this scene funny. The next chapter should be good though...Enjoy!**

* * *

_Chapter Seven: I Remember and Stranger Than You Dreamt It:_

* * *

Byron: Well, that was weird.

Velma: (still trying to piece her glasses back together)

Shelby and Fans: What are _you_ doing here?

Velma: Sometimes its good for a brain to take a break from the wonders of science and kick back.

Byron: (to Daphne and Fred) What actually happened?

Daphne: She lost a bet.

Shaggy and Scooby: (are surrounded by empty food containers) This guy is just an actor right?

Shelby: Yes. He's not gonna kill you in your sleep-

Scooby: Rood

Shaggy: I'm gonna go get some more food.

(comes back with another mountain of food)

Byron: Your gonna run out of food to buy before the end of Act I.

Daphne: Isn't this great, Fred? A theater and dinner.

Fred: (with a plastic smile) Of course...kill me now.

Daphne: What?

Fred: Nothin'...Ohhh, new scene

* * *

Phantom: (bangs a bunch of loud, random chords on his pipe organ) Ops, no. (BANG) Yes. That's it.

Fantine: That's what people are calling music, in ten years?

Byron: Pretty much.

Enjolras: And you wonder why I wanted to revolt.

Shelby and Fans: ENJY! (swarm on him)

Enjolras: (runs out of the theater)

(Music Box begins to play)

Christine: *snores*

Director: She's supposed to be awake. Someone wake her up!

Meg: I'm on it! (dumps a bucket of water from the catwalk onto Christine's head)

Christine: (sputtering awake) IT WASN'T MY BABOON!

Everyone:?

Christine: That was the craziest dream ever! There was a baboon who took my vanilla wafers and every time he opened his mouth, and organ pla-

Director: SING!

Christine: But my head hur-

Director: I don't care! SING!

Christine: You're a mean director...

Director: *rips out Christine doll's hair*

Christine: I REMEMBER THERE WAS MIST, SWIRLING MIST UPON A VAST GLASSY LAKE- Man, that fog was dense! I couldn't even see the lake-

Director: *pops out Christine doll's eye out*

Christine: THERE WERE CANDLES ALL AROUND, AND ON THE LAKE THERE WAS A BOAT- Yup, that dream was crazy

Phantom: (writing notes down) This one goes to Andre, and this one goes to Firmin...or their secretary since I doubt they can read...

Christine: AND IN THAT BOAT THERE WAS A MAN- Aw crud, it wasn't a dream. Seriously, Andrew?! Hey, where did my stockings go?

Half the Audience and the entire cast: *snickers*

Christine: GET YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER!

Byron: Nope.

Christine: (looks at Phantom, gets out of the gondala, and walks towards him) WHO IS THAT SHAPE IN THE SHADOWS? Wow, that sounds mean. WHOSE IS THE FACE IN THE MASK?

Phantom: (too busy composing to care to realize that Christine is right next to him, trying to un-mask him)

Christine: (After, like 10 tries, takes off the mask) OMG, ITS FREDDY KRUEGGER!

Phantom: (Screams like a little girl, and turns around angrily, the ugly side of his face turned away from the audience) DAMN YOU, YOU LITTLE PRYING PANDORA!

Christine: (runs away) Who the heck is she?

Phantom: (covers the bad side of his face, and chases Christine around) YOU LITTLE DEMON, THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED TO SEE-

Christine: Angel to demon in a snap...Make up your mind, already, man.

Phantom: (throws Christine to the ground) CURSE YOU, YOU LITTLE LYING DELIAHAH! YOU LITTLE VIPER, NOW YOU CANNOT EVER BE FREE!

Christine: Oww... My nail chipped! Thanks a lot, bi-

Random Audience Member: Did he just call her a motherfu-

Phantom: I SAID 'LITTLE VIPER', PEOPLE!

Daphne: Well, someone needs some serious anger-management classes...

Phantom: DAMN YOU, CURSE YOU! (falls to the floor)

Christine: (sticks her pinkie in her mouth) This manicure cost me a month's rent!

Phantom: Well, that was a waste of money.

Christine: (scowls)

Director: STICK TO THE SCRIPT, PEOPLE!

Phantom: STRANGER THAN YOU DREAMT IT, CAN YOU EVEN DARE TO LOOK-

Christine: I'd rather not, since you're freaking me out.

Phantom: (scoots closer to Christine) OR BEAR TO THINK OF ME, THIS LOATHSOME GARGOYLE-

Christine: (scoots away) The gargoyle and the demon...hm...

Phantom: WHO BURNS IN HELL, BUT SECRETLY, YEARNS FOR HEAVEN! SECRETLY, SECRETLY...

Christine: What is with you and repeating the last word in every sentence you sing?

Phantom: I do not, not!

Christine: (raises a brown eyebrow)

Phantom: Oh my gosh, I have a problem...

Christine: (eyebrow goes higher) _A problem_? As in a singular problem?

Phantom: *glares at her*

Director: I'M GONNA HURT EVERYONE IF YOU DON'T START SINGING! (Hyperventilates)

Phantom: You need help, man...BUT CHRISTINE! FEAR CAN TURN TO LOVE, YOU'LL LEARN TO SEE, TO FIND THE MAN BEHIND THE MONSTER, THIS REPLUSIVE CARCASS-

Christine: Heck yeah, it is! You need serious work to fix that thang! Have you heard of Proactiv? Or plastic surgery?

Phantom: It's 1905 Paris. That kind of technology won't be around for another century, or so.

Director: (takes Christine and Phantom doll's and throws them in the shredder.)

Christine: Such un-needed violence...

Phantom: Preach it, sista!

Director: FINISH THE DUMB SO-

Phantom: We get it, already...WHO SEEMS A BEAST, BUT SECRETLY, DREAMS OF BEAUTY, SECRETLY, SECRETLY... OH, CHRISTINE...

Christine: (hands the mask back) I think you'll want this back now... It's actually not _that_ bad... its worse than acne...but not awful!

(Phantom put his mask back on)

Phantom: (drags Christine back to her feet and off the stage) COME, WE MUST RETURN! THOSE FOOLS WHO RUN _MY_ THEATER WILL BE MISSING YOU!


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks, to my faithful followers for keeping up with this story. newbornphanatic, the story is set in 1905 based on the ALW musical, but in the Leroux novel, its 1881, and...you are right about the director...Pay for Shippings...We all wish that was true. But asking Erik to be normal is like asking a fish to grow wings...Not gonna happen. I LOVE YOU ALL! Enjoy! Sorry this chapter is short...I didn't want to keep you waiting, since I might see Thor 2 tomorrow with my friends. *fangirl squee* I can't wait to see Loki, Jane Foster and Sif again...YESSSS!**

* * *

_Chapter Eight: Magical Lasso:_

* * *

Ballet Rats: (texting)

Buquet: *cheesy pick-up lines*

Ballet Rats: (text more)

Buquet: (flexes his non-existent muscles)

Ballet Rats: (ignore)

Buquet: (stares at them in bad ways)

Ballet Rats: (still pay no attention to him)

Buquet: (groans, pulling out a lasso, and a black cape) Why is this the only way I can get girls to notice me?

(Buquet puts the cape, on and puts his head inside the noose, pulls it back, and screams)

Ballet Rats: SCREAMMM! (drop their phones) FREDDY KRUEGGER!

Phantom: (In the shadows with Christine) Why does everyone think I'm Freddy Kruegger?

Christine: Meg made us watch all the Nightmare on Elm Street movies last weekend, soo...

Buquet: *laughs*

Gabrielle the Ballet Rat: (picks phone off the floor) Don't worry, sweetie. Mommy's here. (cradles it in her hands, like a child)

Phantom: She's as insane as that Beggar Woman from Sweeney Todd.

Christine: Word to ya mother.

Phantom: My mother hated me.

Christine: Oh...

Buquet: LIKE YELLOW PARCHMENT IS HIS SKIN-

Phantom: Oh come on!

Buquet: A GREAT BLACK HOLE SERVES AS THE NOSE WHICH NEVER GREW-

Ballet Rats: What happened to his nose?

Phantom: I HAVE A NOSE!

Gabrielle: He'll never get my baby. (guards her phone)

Buquet: (puts his hand between his neck and the noose, and pulls it away.) YOU MUST BE ALWAYS ON YOUR GUARD, OR HE WILL CATCH YOU WITH HIS MAGICAL LASSO. (Screams again)

Ballet Rats: (Shriek like little girls, and run away)

Phantom: (takes out a piece of paper and scribbles something on it, before shoving it back into his pocket) That's it! I'm out! (drags Christine away)

Christine: What did you scribble on that paper?

Phantom: That was my hit list. I just added Joseph Buquet onto it.

Christine: Ohh...

(Both disappear)

Madame Giry: (walks in and sees them go) You are such a pig.

Buquet: Whatever.

Madame Giry: THOSE WHO SPEAK OF WHAT THEY KNOW! FIND TOO LATE THAT PRUDENT SILENCE IS WISE!

Reyer: (flips through dictionary) Prudent means wise. 'Find too late that wise silence is wise?' That's grammatically incorrect!

Madame Giry: You're not in this scene.

Reyer: (disappears into thin air)

Madame Giry: (bangs another hole into the stage) JOSEPH BUQUET, HOLD YOUR TONGUE! HE WILL BURN YOU WITH THE HEAT OF HIS EYES!

Buquet: He has laser vision?

Madame Giry: Oh my gosh, am I the only one in the entire Opera Poplulaire whose not a complete ding-bat?

_(Scene Switch)_


	9. Chapter 9

**Just came back from seeing Thor 2... IT WAS AMAZING! But now, I'm left in suspense...GRRR! **

**P.S: I started writing a little bit of LND, already, and I'd appreciate some funny ideas input since I'm on a block..**

**WARNING: Mild language in this chapter, because of _Notes _lyrics. And the format changed because I got lazy and pasted Prima Donna, instead of typing the song out. That's it. Enjoy!**

* * *

_Chapter Nine: Notes and Prima Donna:_

* * *

Firmin: (is in the managers office, reading the newspaper, instead of doing his job) MYSTERY, AFTER GALA NIGHT! IT SAYS "MYSTERY OF SOPRANOS FLIGHT!" MYSTIFIED, BAFFLED SURETE SAYS-

Byron: Who the heck is he?

Shelby and Velma: (shrug)

Firmin: WE ARE MYSTIFED, WE SUSPECT FOUL PLAY! BAD NEWS ON SOPRANOS SCENE, FIRST CARLOTTA, THEN CHRISTINE- Man, we should just do operas with mezzos. Way more reliable...But more likely to go to ruin...

Lucy from Jekyll and Hyde, Elphaba, Meg, Madame Giry, The Beggar Woman from Sweeney Todd, Mrs. Lovett, and Fantine: (from the audience) THAT'S NOT TRUE!

Firmin: I rest my case...

Sweeney Tod- I mean the Director: Do you want me to pull out _your_ doll?

Byron: Who the heck is Sweeney Todd?

Mrs. Lovett: The Demon Barber on Fleet Street, son.

Byron: That doesn't answer my question.

Shelby: He was a barber who shaved people, then killed them by slicing their throats with his shaving knives-

Mrs. Lovett: And I baked them into meat pies!

Everyone: (scoots away from Mrs. Lovett)

Mrs. Lovett: What? They were a big hit!

Byron and Shelby: (gags)

Firmin: No, Sweene- I mean Mr. Director... STILL AT LEAST THE SEATS GET SOLD, GOSSIP'S WORTH ITS WEIGHT IN GOLD! (kisses the newspaper) WHAT A WAY TO RUN A BUSINESS, SPARE ME THESE UNENDING TRIALS- Seriously, all this paperwork goes to the secretary. Not my problem.

Swe- Director: (snaps off Firmin doll's head)

Firmin: You're insane.

Director: What would you expect from the Demon Barber on Fleet Stree- I mean John Brown John...

Firmin: HALF YOUR CAST DISAPPEARS, BUT THE CROWD STILL CHEERS! OPERA! TO THE HELL WITH GLUCK AND HANDEL! ITS A SCANDAL THAT'LL PACK 'EM IN THE AISLES!

Gluck and Handel: (seethes)

Andre: DAMNABLE! WILL THEY ALL WALK OUT? THIS IS DAMNABLE!

Firmin: ANDRE, PLEASE DON'T SHOUT! They won't walk out! We locked all the doors, as a precautionary measure.

A group of Audience members: (banging on the doors) LET US OUTTTT!

Both: SUCK IT UP!

Director Todd: (grinds up the Manager dolls, and puts them in his coffee)

Firmin: I think I just threw up a little in my mouth...ITS PUBLICITY! AND THE TAKE IS FAST! FREE PUBLICITY!

Andre: BUT WE HAVE NO CAST- Wait...missing two people is not remotely close to an entire cas-

Sweeney Todd the Director: (Snaps off Andre doll's head)

Firmin: BUT ANDRE HAVE YOU SEEN THE QUEUE? (pulls out two letters) OH IT SEEMS YOU GOT ONE TOO!

Andre: Why didn't this go to our secretary? You know how I don't like reading...

Firmin: Then why did we become managers?

Firmin and Andre: (shrugs)

Andre: (reads the note) DEAR ANDRE, WHAT A CHARMING GALA! CHRISTINE ENJOYED A GREAT SUCCESS! WE WERE HARDLY BEREAFT WHEN CARLOTTA LEFT-

Carlotta: (from backstage) HEY!

Andre: OTHERWISE, THE CHORUS WAS ENTRANCING, BUT THE DANCING WAS A LAMANTABLE MESS!

Phantom: So they _can_ read...

Ballet Rats: You come down here a do pointe for six hours a day. Then judge!

Phantom: Oh heck no.

Firmin: DEAR FIRMIN, JUST A BRIEF REMINDER! MY SALARY HAS NOT BEEN PAID! SEND IT CARE OF THE GHOST BY RETURN OF POST! P.T.O! NO ONE LIKES A DEBTOR SO ITS BETTER THAT MY ORDERS ARE OBEYED!

Both: WHO WOULD HAVE THE GALL TO SEND THIS? SOMEONE WITH A PUERILE BRAIN!

Andre: THEY ARE BOTH SIGNED O.G!

Firmin: WHO THE HELL IS HE?

Phantom: Wow...You guys are stupid.

Both: OPERA GHOST!

Phantom: Great job, kindergartners! Now, lets move onto shapes...

Firmin: ITS REALLY NOT AMUSING!

Andre: HE'S ABUSING OUR POSITION!

Firmin: IN ADDITION, HE WANTS MONEY!

Meg: (from off-stage) I did the math... That's only 4000 American dollars...

Managers: WE DON'T CARE! WE DON'T PAY PSYCHOPATHS!

Phantom: I'm a SOCIOPATH! Not a PSYCHOPATH! Get your facts straight!

Director Todd: (Stomps on all their dolls)

Andre: (shudders) HE'S A FUNNY SORT OF SPECTRE-

Both: TO EXPECT A LARGE RETAINER! NOTHING PLAINER, HE IS CLEARLY QUITE INSANE-

Raoul: (storms in, waving a Beach Summer Fun Barbie in his hand) WHERE IS SHE?

Andre: YOU MEAN CARLOTTA?

Raoul: Heck to the no! What would I want with that cow?

Carlotta: (breaks Raoul doll's neck)

Firmin: WHY ARE YOU HOLDING A BARBIE?

Raoul: (hides it behind his back) NO I'M NOT...

Both: WE'RE NOT THAT STUPID!

Phantom: IS THAT TOPIC UP FOR DEBATE?

Everyone: SHUT UP!

Director Todd: SING THE RIGHT LYRICS!

Andre: Just get rid of it!

Raoul: (whispers to the doll) I'm sorry, Jeanette. (chucks it across the stage, and looks as if he's been shot)

Director Todd: SING THE MOTHERF-

Raoul: I MEAN MISS DAAE! WHERE IS SHE?

Firmin: WELL,HOW SHOULD WE KNOW?

Raoul: You own the place! Shouldn't you know where everyone is?

Firmin: Oh look, a butterfly...

Andre: Which one is Christine, again?

Raoul and Firmin: (face-palm)

Raoul: I WANT AN ANSWER! I TAKE IT THAT YOU SENT ME THIS NOTE! (pulls out a note from his pocket)

Firmin: WHAT'S ALL THIS NONSENSE?

Andre: OF COURSE NOT!

Firmin: DON'T LOOK AT US!

Raoul: SHE'S NOT WITH YOU THEN?

Andre; Do you see her?

Raoul: Nope...

Andre: We're managers, man. Not child wranglers.

Firmin: OF COURSE NOT!

Andre: WE'RE IN THE DARK...

Firmin: Take off your sunglasses! (rips them off his face)

Andre: (shrivels) The stage lights! IT BURRRNNNNSSS!

Raoul: MOUSIER, DON'T ARGUE! ISN'T THIS THE LETTER YOU WROTE?

Firmin: WHAT IS IT WE WE'RE MENT TO HAVE WROTE?

Reyer: (pops out of no-where) Its WRITTEN!

Firmin: I KNOW THAT!

Lefreve: (walks in) Hi, guys!

Director Todd: Why is he on stage...

Firmin: What are you doing here?

Lefreve: Oh...I forgot my yoyo. (Grabs it, and walks off)

(Awkward silence)

Andre: (reads the note) DO NOT FEAR FOR MISS DAAE! THE ANGEL OF MUSIC HAS HER UNDER HIS WING. MAKE NO ATTEMPT TO SEE HER AGAIN!

Raoul: If you didn't write it, then who did?

Phantom: (face-palm) I'm surrounded by idiots.

(Carlotta storms in, with a note in her hand, looking very much like a cow about to give birth, crammed into a corset.)

Carlotta: WHERE IS HE?

Andre: OH WELCOME BACK!

Carlotta: WHERE IS HE- YOUR PRECIOUS PATRON!

Phantom: How did you not just see him right next to you?

Raoul: WHAT IS IT NOW?

Carlotta: I HAVE YOUR LETTER- A LETTER WHICH I RATHER RESENT!

Firmin: (to Raoul) AND DID YOU SEND IT? You can write?

Raoul: OF COURSE NOT! I was playing Barbie Dream Ho- I mean, playing Injustice: Gods Among Us.

Andre: AS IF HE WOULD! He's waaayy too foppy to write down anything smart.

Raoul : Word.

Carlotta: YOU DIDN'T SEND THIS?

Raoul: OF COURSE NOT!

Firmin: WHAT'S GOING ON?

Carlotta: YOU DARE TO TELL ME, THIS IS NOT THE LETTER YOU SENT?

Phantom: My God, Carlotta. You're dense.

Raoul: AND WHAT WAS IT I WAS MENT TO HAVE SENT! (takes the letter) YOUR DAYS AT THE OPERA POPULAIRE ARE NUMBERED. CHRISTINE DAAE WILL BE SINGING ON YOUR BEHALF TONIGHT. PREPARE FOR A GREAT MISFORTUNE, IF YOU ATTEMPT TO TAKE HER PLATE!

Everyone: What?

Raoul: I MEAN...PLACE!

Managers: (take the notes) FAR TOO MANY NOTES FOR MY TASTE. Seriously, people. There's a secretary for a reason. MOST OF THEM ABOUT CHRISTINE! ALL WE'VE HEARD SINCE WE CAME IS MISS DAAE'S NAME!

(Madame Giry and Meg walk in)

Madame Giry: (engrossed in her phone) Christine's back.

Firmin: I TRUST HER MIDNIGHT OIL IS WELL AND TRUELY BURNED.

Everyone: ?

Andre: WHERE PRECISELY IS SHE NOW?

Madame Giry: I THOUGHT IT BEST THAT SHE WENT HOME. Which means the ballet rats sleeping quarters...(plays Temple Run) GO! GO, GO! YESSSS! WORLD HIGH SCORE! (does another disturbing happy dance)

Meg: God, let me be adopted. SHE NEEDED REST.

Raoul: CAN I SEE HER?

Madame Giry: Nope. (starts texting)

Carlotta: WILL SHE SING? WILL SHE SING?

Madame Giry: (checking her Facebook) I HAVE A NOTE-

Everyone: LET ME SEE! (lunges for it)

Firmin: Please, people! We're not animals! (read it) Milk, eggs, butter, paper, ink, a chicken...What is this?

Madame Giry: (snatches it away) Whops... that was his grocery list. This is the actual note.

(Opens the letter and reads. The PHANTOM'S  
voice gradually lakes over)  
"Gentlemen, I have now sent you several notes of the  
most amiable nature, detailing how my theatre is to be  
run. You have not followed my instructions.  
I shall give you one last chance . . ."

PHANTOM'S VOICE (taking over)  
Christine Daae has returned to you,  
and I am anxious her career  
should progress.  
In the new production of "Il Muto",  
you will therefore cast Carlotta  
as the Pageboy, and put Miss Daae  
in the role of Countess.  
The role which Miss Daae plays  
calls for charm and appeal.  
The role of the Pageboy is silent -  
which makes my casting,  
in a word  
ideal.

I shall watch the performance from my normal seat in  
Box Five, which will be kept empty for me. Should  
these commands be ignored, a disaster beyond your  
imagination will occur.

FIRMIN (taking over)  
"I remain, Gentlemen,  
Your obedient servant, O.G."

Carlotta: CHRISTINE!

Andre: WHATEVER NEXT...

Carlotta: THIS IS ALL A PLOY TO HELP CHRISTINE!

Phantom: You are a deaf woman.

Firmin: THIS IS INSANE!

Carlotta: (points at Raoul) I KNOW WHO SENT THIS! THE VICOMTE, HER LOVER!

Raoul: INDEED...CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?

Andre: (In protest) SINGORA!

Firmin: THIS IS A JOKE!

Andre: THIS CHANGES NOTHING!

Carlotta: O MENTITORI!

Andre: What was that?

Raoul: I have no idea.

Firmin: SINGORA

Andre: YOU ARE OUR STAR!

Firmin: AND ALWAYS WILL BE! For like the next scene...

Andre: SINGORA.

Firmin: THE MAN IS MAD!

Phantom: And I can still hear you!

Andre: WE DON'T TAKE ORDERS!

Phantom: (starts making a bunch of Punjab Lassos) You do now.

FIRMIN (announcing it to EVERYONE)  
Miss Daae will be playing  
the Pageboy - the silent role . . .

ANDRE/FIRMIN  
Carlotta will be playing  
the lead!

CARLOTTA (waxing melodramatic)  
It's useless trying to  
appease me!  
You're only saying this  
to please me!  
Signori, e vero?  
Non, non, non voglio udire !  
Lasciatemi morire!  
O padre mio!  
Dio!

GIRY  
Who scorn his word,  
beware to those . . .

CARLOTTA (to MANAGERS)  
You have reviled me!

GIRY  
The angel sees,  
the angel knows . . .

RAOUL  
Why did Christine  
fly from my arms . . .?

CARLOTTA  
You have rebuked me!

ANDRE/FIRMIN  
Signora, pardon us . . .

CARLOTTA  
You have replaced me!

ANDRE/FIRMIN  
Please, Signora,  
we beseech you . . .

GIRY  
This hour shall see  
your darkest fears . . .

MEG/RAOUL  
I must see her . . .

CARLOTTA  
Abbandonata!  
Deseredata!  
0, sventurata!

GIRY  
The angel knows,  
the angel hears . . .

RAOUL  
Where did she go . . .?

CARLOTTA  
Abbandonata!  
Disgraziata!

ANDRE/FIRMIN  
Signora, sing for us!  
Don't be a martyr . . .

RAOUL/GIRY/MEG  
What new surprises  
lie in store . . .?

ANDRE/FIRMIN  
Our star . . .!

CARLOTTA  
Non vo' cantar!

(ALL look at CARLOTTA, as the MANAGERS approach  
her lovingly)

ANDRE  
Your public needs you!

Public: We're pretty fine with Christine actually...

FIRMIN  
We need you, too!

CARLOTTA (unassuaged)  
Would you not  
rather have your  
precious little  
ingenue?

ANDRE/FIRMIN  
Signora, no!  
the world wants you!

The World: NO, WE DON'T!

(The MANAGERS adopt their most persuasive attitudes)

ANDRE/FIRMIN  
Prima donna  
first lady of the stage!

Meg: That would explain her age.

Carlotta: *Death Glare*

Your devotees  
are on their knees  
to implore you !

Devotes and Audience: *cricket chirping*

ANDRE  
Can you bow out  
when they're shouting  
your name?

FIRMIN  
Think of how they all  
adore you!

Raoul, Meg and the Phantom: Like 10 years ago...

BOTH  
Prima donna,  
enchant us once again!

ANDRE  
Think of your muse . . .

FIRMIN  
And of the queues  
round the theatre!

BOTH  
Can you deny us the triumph  
in store?  
Sing, prima donna, once more!

Meg and Phantom: All of you people must be completely tone deaf.

(CARLOTTA registers her acceptance as the  
MANAGERS continue to cajole and the OTHERS reflect  
variously on the situation)

RAOUL  
Christine spoke of an angel . . .

Phantom: So you _can_ hear...

CARLOTTA (to herself, in triumph)  
Prima donna  
your song shall live again!

ANDRE/FIRMIN (to CARLOTTA)  
Think of your public!

CARLOTTA  
You took a snub  
but there's a public  
who needs you!

GIRY (referring to CHRISTINE)  
She has heard the voice  
of the angel of music . . .

ANDRE/FIRMIN (to CARLOTTA)  
Those who hear your voice  
liken you to an angel!

Phantom: I refuse to be grouped in with that cow! I AM THE ONLY ANGEL OF MUSIC, SUCKERS!

CARLOTTA  
Think of their cry  
of undying  
support !

RAOUL  
Is this her angel of music . . .?

ANDRE (to FIRMlN)  
We get our opera . . .

FIRMIN (to ANDRE)  
She gets her limelight!

Andre: Because we're too cheap to hire anyone else...

CARLOTTA  
Follow where the limelight  
leads you!

MEG  
Is this ghost  
an angel or a madman . . .?

RAOUL  
Angel or madman . . .?

ANDRE/FIRMIN (aside)  
Leading ladies are a trial!

GIRY  
Heaven help you,  
those who doubt . . .

CARLOTTA  
You'll sing again,  
and to unending  
ovation!

RAOUL  
Orders! Warnings!  
Lunatic demands!

GIRY  
This miscasting  
will invite damnation . . .

Phantom: Time to look at the old hit list...

ANDRE/FIRMIN  
Tears . . . oaths . . .  
Iunatic demands  
are regular occurrences!

Phantom: Where did these people work before this? This is a one time thing.

MEG  
Bliss or damnation?  
Which has claimed her . . .?

CARLOTTA  
Think how you'll shine  
in that final encore!  
Sing, prima donna,  
once more!

GIRY  
Oh fools, to have flouted his warnings!

RAOUL  
Surely, for her sake . . .

MEG  
Surely he'll strike back . . .

ANDRE/FIRMIN  
Surely there'll be further scenes -  
worse than this!

Phantom: Yes, there will. If you reject my commands.

GIRY  
Think, before  
these demands are rejected!

RAOUL  
. . .I must see  
these demands are rejected!

MEG  
. . . if his threats  
and demands are rejected!

ANDRE/FIRMIN  
Who'd believe a diva  
happy to relieve a chorus girl,  
who's gone and slept with the patron?  
Raoul and the soubrette,  
entwined in love's duet!  
Although he may demur,  
he must have been with her!

Phantom: As long as I'm around. He touches her. He dies.

MEG/RAOUL  
Christine must be protected!

CARLOTTA  
0, fortunata!  
Non ancor  
abbandonata!

Everyone: Dude! This is _France_! Speak _English_!

ANDRE/FIRMIN  
You'd never get away  
with all this in a play,  
but if it's loudly sung  
and in a foreign tongue  
it's just the sort of story  
audiences adore,  
in fact a perfect opera!

RAOUL  
His game is over!

GIRY  
This is a game  
you cannot hope to win!

RAOUL  
And in Box Five  
a new game will begin . . .

GIRY  
For, if his curse is on this opera . . .

MEG  
But if his curse is on this opera . . .

ANDRE/FIRMIN  
Prima donna  
the world is at your feet!  
A nation waits,  
and how it hates  
to be cheated!

The Les Mis people: We're being cheated of our money when she sings!

CARLOTTA  
The stress that falls upon a  
famous prima donna!  
Terrible diseases,  
coughs and colds and sneezes!  
Still, the dryest throat  
will reach the highest note,  
in search of perfect  
opera!

Phantom: Diseases... sore throat...hmm...

MEG/GIRY  
. . . then I fear the outcome . . .

RAOUL  
Christine plays the Pageboy,  
Carlotta plays the Countess . . .

GIRY  
. . . should you dare to . .

MEG  
. . . when you once again . . .

ALL  
Light up the stage  
with that age old  
rapport!  
Sing, prima donna,  
once more!

PHANTOM'S VOICE  
So, it is to be war between us! If these demands are not  
met, a disaster beyond your imagination will occur!

ALL  
Once more!

* * *

**Hi! These are some ideas I had for LND! Tell me what you think! Enjoy!**

* * *

_Beneath a Moonless Sky:_

Christine: Gustave, remember, what I told you.

Gustave: Love God-

Christine: Yes.

Gustave: Do the right thing.

Christine: Yes... and the most important?

Gustave: (walking away) Don't end up like Daddy.

Christine: Good boy.

(Gustave walks out

Christine: (picks up little freaky looking clown snow-globe toy that Gustave was playing with off the floor) Off to the garbage can you go.

Freaky looking Toy: (Starts playing Past The Point Of No Return, in a music boxy way)

Christine: (freezes and stares at it) This thing is possessed.

(Doors open, and the Phantom steps out. Dramatic Music plays)

Christine: (hyperventilates) Raoul! Did you put something in my tea?!

Raoul: (From the tavern) Noooooo, hhooonnnnneeyyyyyy (snore)

Christine: I knew shouldn't have drank that latte on the ship! And now I'm hallucinating... (bangs her head on the door post)

Phantom: I'm real... You're not hallucinating... (touches her face)

Christine: P...D...A- (passes out)

* * *

_Devil Take the Hindmost: _

Phantom: I could just drop-kick you right now De Changy.

Raoul: You wouldn't dare.

Phantom: (hits him with a chair)

* * *

_The Phantom Confronts Christine: _

Phantom: (strangles Christine) I WANT THE TRUTH, RIGHT NOW!

Christine: ONCE APON ANOTHER TIME, YOU LOVED ME AND YOU LEFT ME ALONE-

Phantom: Oh gee. Now who does that sound like?

Christine: Shut up. BUT THATS NOT ALL YOU DID! YOU LEFT ME WITH A SON!

Phantom: O.o... This is all your fault!

Christine: My fault? This was a group effort!

Phantom: If you hadn't gone and gotten pregnant, we wouldn't be in this mess!

Christine: What part of "again and then again, beneath a moonless sky" do you not understand?


	10. Chapter 10

**Almost 40 reviews! (does a disturbing happy dance) I haven't seen LND either, so now I have to go watch it... It's not that bad! If you want a bad musical, watch Hair! Actually, don't...You'd get grounded...And GuitarGirl...You just gave me an idea for LND...BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!**

* * *

_Chapter Ten: Poor Fool, He Makes Me Laugh and the "Ballet":_

* * *

(At the Opening Night of II Muto)

Carlotta: (Looks like a cross between Marie Antoniette and a pregnant cow, as usual, with a towering white wig)

Christine: (Is dressed like a dirty servant girl)

Both of them: (sitting on a bed, awkwardly)

Meg: (is dressed like an uglier maid)

Bunch of Chorus People: (Dressed like Victorian style clowns)

Confidante: (who looks like a clown in high heels. I nearly had a heart attack when I saw how they dressed these people in the 25th anniversary) THEY SAY THIS YOUTH HAS SET MY LADY'S HEART AFLAME!

Fop #1: (I'm not joking, that's how the song lyrics label them!) HIS LORDSHIP WOULD SURELY DIE OF SHOCK!

Meg: Check it out, Raoul! You're cousins showed up!

Raoul: (throws a brick at her from the wings, but misses)

Meg: (sticks her tongue out at him)

Fop #2: HIS LORDSHIP IS A LAUGHING- STOCK!

Don Atillio: (Off-stage) Now I know who to fire today...

Confidante Clown: SHOULD HE SUSPECT HER, GOD PROTECT HER!

Everyone: SHAME! SHAME! SHAME! THIS FAITHLESS LADY'S BOUND FOR HADES-

Carlotta: *snaps all their doll's in half*

Everyone: (scared) SHAME, SHAME, SHAME!

* * *

(In the manager's box)

Andre: Nothing like the old opera...

Firmin: With the old singers...

Andre: And old hot dancers...

Firmin: And every seat is sold... and every door is locked.

Some Audience members: (strap several sticks of dynamite to the lock and shield themselves with a table) LETS BLOW THIS POPSICAL STAND! (blow it up)

Door: I refuse to be blasted to bits.

Some Audience Members: Awww...

Both: Hardly a disaster beyond imagination!

Madame Giry: (texting)

Firmin's Pocket: (Phone rings) I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT! AHHH! LOOK AT THAT BO-

Andre: Seriously?

Firmin: I got a text... from Giry101: Way to jinx it...

Madame Giry: (stares at them angrily) How Lefreve chose you goof-balls to succeed him, I have no idea...

* * *

(On stage, again)

Carlotta: (as the Countess) SERIFIMO! YOUR DISQUISE IS PERFECT!

Christine: How hard would it have been for them to make a guy play Serifimo?

Carlotta: Zhey're both idiots.

Christine: For once... I agree with you. (fist- bump)

(A knock at the door)

Countess: WHO COULD IT BE? (everyone puts their hands to their ears and leans towards the door, in a really cheesy way)

Don Attilio: GENTLE WIFE, ADMIT YOUR LOVING HUSBAND! (Walks in anyway)

Countess Carlotta: I zidn't say you could come in.

Don Attilio: (who is dressed like Grisabella from Cats in Victorian wear, with high heels) I do what I want.

Countess Carlotta: Whatever. (motions for Meg to fan her, since she's too lazy to do it herself)

Christine: (starts dusting for no good reason, and makes sure her butt is shaking as much as is humanly possible)

Don Attilio: MY LOVE! I AM CALLED TO ENGLAND ON AFFAIRS OF STATE, AND MUST LEAVE YOU WITH YOUR NEW MAID! (Aside) THOUGH I'D HAPPILY TAKE HER WITH ME...

Christine: (almost fingers him but Meg covers her hand)

Meg: Remember what you learned in therapy. He's not worth it.

Countess Carlotta: THE OLD FOOL IS LEAVING!

Don Attilio: I SUSPECT MY YOUNG BRIDE IS UNTRUE TO ME-

Meg: Well, duh. I mean, she was just making out with Serif-

Countess Carlotta: (Smacks her really hard with the metal part of the fan, on her arm)

Meg: OWWW! (whimpers) Why, so much hostility, woman...

Don Atillio: I SHALL NOT LEAVE, BUT SHALL HIDE OVER THERE TO OBSERVE HERRRRR!

Countess Carlotta: (sarcastically) The trust that you have in this marriage is so... touching.

Don Attilio: ADDIO!

Countess Carlotta: ADDIO!

Both: ADDIO!

(Don Attilio hides)

Countess Carlotta: SERIFIMO! AWAY WITH THIS PRETENSE! (rips off Christine's skirt, to reveal britches) YOU CANNOT SPEAK! BUT KISS ME IN MY HUSBAND'S ABSENCE!

Christine: Gross (kisses her cheek) Tastes like cheap make-up

Countess Carlotta: POOR FOOL, HE MAKES ME LAUGH! HAHAHAH! TIME I GOT THE BETTER HALF! (starts making odd noises)

Meg: What are you doing? You sound like a dolphin.

Carlotta: (hits her again)

Meg: (whimpers) So much hostility...

Chorus: POOR FOOL, HE DOESN'T KNOW! HOHOHOHO!

Meg: Merry Christmas!

Chorus: FOR IF HE DID, HE'D NEVER EVER GO!

Phantom's voice: DIDN'T I INSTRUCT BOX 5 WAS TO BE KEPT EMPTY!

Meg: (terrified) HE'S HERE! The Phantom of the Opera!

Phantom's voice: Who'd ya think it was? The Easter bunny?

Christine: Aww, shizn! It's him... No one else can shout with pitch in this place except him!

Carlotta: (seethes) Your part is silent, little toad!

Phantom: I heard that!

Countess Carlotta: (restarts the scene) SERIFMO! AWAY WITH THIS PRETENSE! (throws away nothing) YOU CANNOT SPEAK BUT CRROOOAAAKKKK!

Phantom: (starts laughing)

Carlotta: POOR FOOL HE MAKES ME LAUGH! HAHAHA! HA (makes the sound of a cat being run over by a semi- truck)

Phantom: *laughs more*

Carlotta: HA (makes the sound of a cat giving birth to a ton of bricks)

(Pandamonium)

Phantom: She's singing to bring down the chandelier!

Carlotta: (runs off the stage, humiliated)

Firmin: Ladies and Gentlemen, the performance will continue in ten minutes time, and the role of the Countess will be sung by Christine Daae-

Andre: In the meantime, ladies and gentlemen, we will be giving you the ballet from Act...um...Act...Ac...(looks through the program) Act 3 from tonight's opera. (to the conductor) Maestro, the ballet...the ballet...NOW!

Ballet Rats: (reluctantly put their phones away, and get on stage to dance)

Men: (drool)

Women: (slap their men)

Meg: One...two...three..

Firmin: Oh shi-

Meg: STRIKE!

Ballet Rats: LANANANA! LANANA! LANANA! LANANA!

Piagi: GIRL, I'VE BEEN ALL OVER THE WORLD, LOOKING FOR YOU-

Ballet Rats: (disco, break-dance)

Piagi: I'VE BEEN KNOWN TO TAKE WHAT I THINK I DESERVE! AND YOUR OVERDUE-

Firmin: (cries in his chair)

Piagi: AND IF YOU LISTEN, YOU CAN HEAR ME THROUGH MY RADIO! THROUGH THAT BRIGHT WHITE NOISE-

Byron: What?

Piagi: WHAT I'VE BEEN MISSING ALL MY LIFE, WHAT I'VE BEEN DREAMING OFFF! YOU BE DAT GIRL, YOU BE DAT GIRL YOU BE-

Christine: EVERYTHING YOU WANT SO LET ME GET UP THERE!

Meg: I'M THE BADDEST BABY IN THE ATMOSPHERE!

Gabrielle: TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT, AND WE CAN DO JUST WHAT YOU LIKEEEEE!

All three: YOU MAKE ME FEEL THAT!

Everyone: LANANA! LANANA! LANANA! LANANA! SCREEAAAMMM!

(Buquet's body falls from the rafters with a noose around his neck)

(All the actors run onto stage, screaming wildly)

Christine: (calling over the crowd) Raoul! Raoul!

Raoul: Come...with me...

Christine: No! To the roof! We'll be safe there!

(They run out)

Phantom: YOLO! Right? (follows them)

Firmin: (is failing at calming everyone down) Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats. Do  
not panic. It was an accident . . . simply an accident . . .


	11. Chapter 11

**Wheeee! 25 percent done! And I just watched LND... The music is good, the plot is fair, and I kind of like it. still doesn't lift a candle to POTO, though. But I don't get the huge personality change in the Giry girls...I cried when Christine died...But now I have loads of ideas for future LND chapters! Best songs from that: Beauty Underneath, Beautiful, Devil Take the Hindmost quartet, Why Does She Love Me Meg's Part, Beneath a Moonless Sky, The Phantom Confronts Christine, and Ten Long Years.**

* * *

_Chapter Eleven: Why Have You Brought Me Here, and All I Ask Of You:_

* * *

(On the roof)

Raoul: WHY HAVE YOU BROUGHT ME HERE?

Christine: DON'T TAKE ME BACK THERE! Seriously, take me back to that pit, and I'll drop- kick you off this roof. HE'LL KILL ME! HIS EYES WILL FIND ME THERE-

Raoul: CHRISTINE, DON'T SAY THAT-

Christine: I can say what I want! THOSE EYES THAT BURN!

Raoul: BE STILL NOW! Please, like calm down. It was just an accident, like Firmin said.

Christine: Of course it was an accident, because Buquet put his head in the noose and flung himself off on purpose! AND IF HE HAS TO KILL, A THOUSAND MEN-

Raoul: FORGET THIS WAKING NIGHTMARE-

Christine: You're not helping, man! THE PHAAANTTTOM OF THE OPERA WILL KILL-

Raoul: THE PHANTOM IS A FABLE! BELIEVE ME-

Christine: (holds her head in her hands) You said that about Queen Victoria! She's very real! AND KILL AGAIN! (looks green in the face)

Raoul: THERE IS NO PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!

Christine and Raoul: MY GOD, WHO IS THIS MAN?

Phantom: Well, that wasn't a reaction I was planning for...

Christine: WHO HUNTS TO KILL?

Raoul: THIS MASK OF DEATH?

Christine: I CAN'T ESCAPE FROM HIM...Unless I left the opera house...

Raoul: WHOSE IS THIS VOICE YOU HEAR...

Christine: I NEVER WILL...Wait, what? Who wrote this piece of shi-

Raoul: WITH EVERY BREATH... Man, the song lyrics for me make no sense... But they sound awesome!

Both: AND IN THIS LABRYINTH! WHERE NIGHT IS BLIIINNNDDDD! THE PPHHHAAAAANNTOM OF THE OPERA IS THERE/ HERE! INSIDE MY/ YOUR MIND!

Christine: (holding her head in her hands) Oh my gosh, I really need to reschedule that doctor's appointment...

Raoul: THERE IS NO PHANTOM OF THE OPERA-

Christine: (grabs him by the shoulders) You say that again and I'll burn all your Barbies' heads off.

Raoul: No need to get crazy here...

Christine: (grabs her inhaler and breathes into it) RAOUL I'VE BEEN THERE, TO HIS WORLD OF UNENDING NIGHT...

Raoul: What?

Christine: Who do you think threw that rock at your head after you came back into my room?

Raoul: That hurt!

Christine: You had it coming. Touch my diary, and you sign your death certificate. TO HIS WORLD WHERE THE DAYLIGHT DISSOLVES INTO DARKNESS... DARKNESS! RAOUL, I'VE SEEN HIM! CAN I EVER FORGET THE SIGHT?

Phantom: Nope... Trust me, even breaking all your mirrors won't help.

Raoul: (puts on sunglasses, and pulls out a neutralizer from MIB) If you will direct your attention to the center of this stick...

Christine: Where did you get that?

Raoul: I stole it from K in MIB3 when he wasn't looking.

Director Todd: FINISH THE SONG!

Christine: CAN I EVER ESCAPE FROM A FACE SO DISTORTED, DEFORMED! Wow, I'm a jerk...IT WAS HARDLY A FACE IN THAT DARKNESS...DARKNESS... Aw come on! Now I'm doing it!

Phantom: Way to be nice, Christine.

Raoul: Well, she's definately lost it...(starts texting)

Christine: Sorry...BUT HIS VOICE FILLED MY SPIRIT WITH A STRANGE SWEET SOUND! AND THAT NIGHT, THERE WAS MUSIC IN MY MIND! AND THROUGH MUSIC MY SOUL BEGAN TO SOOOOOAAAAAAAAARRRR! (Raoul's phone screen cracks)

Raoul: (pulls out Meg's phone and continues texting)

Christine: AND I HEARD AS I NEVER HEARD BEFOOORRRREEE! Raoul... (turns around) Are you even listening to me?

Raoul: (looks up) Huh?

Christine: (takes the phone and chucks it halfway across the stage)

Meg: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! My _BABY! _(runs on stage and cradles it in her arms) Breathe, breathe...

Phone: (Dies)

Meg: (shakes her fists at the sky) WHHHHHYYYYYY!

Madame: Giry: (pulls her daughter off the stage.)

Christine: That was melodramatic...

Director Todd: SING THE SON-

Raoul: (unwillingly hugs Christine) WHAT YOU HEARD WAS A DREAM AND NOTHING MORE!

Christine: It wasn't a stupid dream...BUT IN HIS EYES-

Lucy and Emma from Jekyll and Hyde: LOVE IS WORTH FORGIVING FOR-

Christine: How did they get on stage?

Emma and Lucy: NOW I REALIZE! EVERYTHING WORTH LIVING FOR IS THERE! IN HIS EYEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!

Christine: (pushed them off the stage) Get out! This is my moment!

Jekyll: THIS IS THE MOMENT! DAMN ALL THE ODDS-

Raoul: How are these people getting here?

Jekyll: THIS DAY OR NEVER! I SIT FOREVER WITH THE GODS!

Christine: (pulls out Meg's candy gun and shoots all of them) I knew that thing would come in handy... now, where was I...Oh yeah! BUT IN HIS EYES! WAS THE SADNESS OF THE WORLD! THOSE PLEADING EYES! WHCIH BOTH FRIGHTEN... AND ADORE!

Raoul and the Phantom: I am so confused...

Raoul: Do you like him, or are you afraid of him.

Christine: Both.

Phantom: YES! (does a happy dance) Wait, _what_?

Raoul: CHRISTINE, CHRISTINE!

Phantom: CHRRISSSTINE!

Christine: What was that?

Phantom: (face-palm)

Christine: (Runs around for no good reason, and breaks down sobbing)

Raoul: (goes over and hugs here)

E/C shippers and Phan-girls: (put on war paint and sharpen their weapons)

Raoul: (helps Christine up, still hugging her) NO MORE TALK OF DARK- (stops singing)

Christine: (muffled noises)

Raoul: What?

Christine: Please let go of my head. Your jacket smells like tweed.

Raoul: Ok.

Christine: Why did you stop singing? I like this song.

Raoul: Because of them. (points to the Phangirls, and E/C shippers)

E/C Shippers and Phan-girls: (poised for attack, covered in army camo paint, with spears and knives) DEATH TO THE FOP! DEATH TO THE FOP!

Raoul: They do know I'm not really Raoul... They wouldn't hurt me... right?

Christine: You win some, you lose some.

Director Todd: SING THE SO-

Both: WE GET IT!

Raoul: NO MORE TALK OF DARKNESS! FORGET THESE WIDE EYED FEARS! I'M HERE! NOTHING CAN HARM YOU-

Christine: (still hugging him) You're my protection now... _great._

Raoul: MY WORDS WILL WARM AND CALM YOU!

Christine: They're not doing that right now...

Raoul: LET ME BE YOUR FREEDOM! LET DAYLIGHT DRY YOUR TEEARS!

Christine: Then let's continue this song in the morning...

Raoul: I'M HERE! WITH YOU, BESIDES YOU! TO GAURD YOU AND TO GUIDE YOU!

Christine: SAY YOU'LL LOVE ME EVERY WAKING MOMENT, Jeez, this is _way_ too fore-ward...

Raoul: I'm not promising anything.

Christine: TURN MY HEAD WITH TALK OF SUMMER-TIME!

Raoul: That line makes no sense.

Christine: SAY YOU'LL NEED ME WITH YOU, NOW, AND ALWAYS-

Both: Wow... that's way too clingy.

Christine: PROMISE ME, THAT ALL YOU SAY IS TRUE!

Raoul: At least for this play...

Christine: THAT'S ALL I ASK OF YOU! Man, this only works because this is 1905 Paris. No normal guy, living into 2013 would commit to any relationship this fast...

Raoul: LET ME BE YOUR FREEDOM! LET ME BE YOUR LIGHT! YOU'RE SAFE! NO ONE WILL FIND YOU-

Christine: You sound like the Phant-

Raoul: YOUR FEARS ARE FAR BEHIND YOU!

Phantom: Correction: Your fears are _right_ behind you.

Christine: ALL I WANT IS FREEDOM! A WORLD WITH NO MORE NIGHT!

Phantom: Then move to Alaska.

Christine: AND YOU ALWAYS BESIDE ME- This song is so clingy- TO HOLD ME, AND TO HIDE ME!

Raoul: THEN SAY YOU'LL SHARE WITH ME ONE LOVE! ONE LIFETIME-

Christine: You make it sound like a lifetime's the equivalent to a loaf of bread... That's a huge commitment.

Raoul" LET ME LEAD YOU FROM YOUR SOLITUDE!

Chrsitine: Tumblr and Facebook did that already.

Raoul: ANYWHERE YOU GO LET ME GO TOO! (kneels on the ground) CHRISTINE, THAT'S ALL I ASK OF YOU!

Christine: This is happening so fast... SAY YOU'LL SHARE WITH ME ONE LOVE! ONE LIFETIME- Dude, we're humans! We don't reincarnate! SAY THE WORDS AND I WILL FOLLOW YOU!

Both: SHARE EACH DAY WITH ME! EACH NIGHT! EACH MORNING!

Christine: SAY YOU'LL LOVE ME!

Raoul: YOU KNOW I DO!

Phantom: (adds Raoul to his hit list) This kid has got to go.

Both: LOVE ME! THAT'S ALL I ASK OF YOOOOUUUUUUU!

Raoul: (kisses Christine)

Christine: (kinda freaks out a bit)

Both: ANYWHERE, YOU GO LET ME GO TOOOO! LOVE ME! THAT'S ALL I ASK OF YOU! (they kiss again)

Audience: (Standing Ovation)

**Every-time this song plays, I fall in love with it...and want to throw a brick at Raoul's head... or break something... E/C FOREVER! PLEASE R&R!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hello, again! Thanks for the reviews! There's a Monsters Inside Me reference down here, so sorry! I love that show! TheMusicThatIWrite... Thank you for saying my story is the funniest fanfic you've read to the newbiephan... don't ask how i know that. (grins mischeviously)**

* * *

_Chapter Twelve: All I Ask of You Reprise, and The Chandelier Crash:_

* * *

Byron: This chick makes no sense! It's like Andrew Lloyd Webber ripped off Twilight and put it in France.

Shelby: Twilight was made wayyy after this... And Twilight is awful. So Twilight pretty much ripped off Phantom of the Opera... Sort of.

Barricade boys: WORD!

Daphne: Twilight's amazing... Don't you think so, Freddy?

Fred: Silence is my best option, right now.

Daphne: How about you, Velma?

Velma: Oh look! A Streptococus Meluoride bacteria!

Daphne: Hump!

**Sorry, Twi-hards... If there are any left... Team Jacob! I mean, I hate the series, but if I had to pick between a scrawny, pale vampire and a werewolf to protect me... I would pick the werewolf in a heartbeat.**

* * *

(Still on the Opera House roof)

Christine and Raoul: (make-out)

Christine: I MUST GO! THEY'LL WONDER WHERE I AM-

* * *

(Inside the Opera House)

Meg: (has cards in her hands) Three 8's.

Gabrielle: Six 4's.

Piagi: Five 5's.

Daphne: Six Aces.

Fimin: BS.

Daphne: (Smugly turns up the cards) Guess again.

Firmin: Ughh! (sighs and grabs the whole deck)

Andre: Tough luck, man.

Madame Giry: Serves you right, for not listening to the Opera Ghost

Firmin: (sneers)

Meg: (studies her cards) I feel like someone important is missing...

(doorbell rings)

Meg: (opens the door)

Delivery Man: Jimmy Johns!

Meg: Larry, you made it!

Piagi: Where's the food?

Meg: Over here!

Everyone: (scarf their faces with sandwiches)

Daphne: Where's Christine?

Everyone: (shrugs)

Meg: Shouldn't we go look for her, to make sure that she's, like, not kidnapped or dead?

Piagi: And leave these perfectly awesome sandwiches behind?

Meg: Well... (starts for the door)

Daphne: OMG! Firmin's trying to chug a bottle of vodka, in under a minute!

Meg: This I gotta see!

* * *

(Back on the roof)

Christine: WAIT FOR ME, RAOUL! (runs off)

Raoul: CHRISTINE, I LOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVEEEEE YOU! And it just gets cheesier and cheesier...

Christine: (runs back to him) ORDER YOUR FINE HORSES!

Raoul: Those things are expensive!

Christine: BE WITH THEM AT THE DOOR! We're in a relationship now, so get them. Fast. Like Now.

Raoul: Wait... so now I have to commit?

Christine: What did you expect?

Raoul: ... Never-mind, I'm out.

Christine: (puppy eyes)

Raoul: Anything for my cupcake.

Christine: Are you saying I have a muffin top?!

Raoul: NO! AND SOON YOU'LL BE BESIDE ME! But you're standing right next to me...

Christine: (walks off-stage with him) YOU'LL GUARD ME, AND YOU'LL GUIDE ME!

Phantom: (Appears from behind a statue on the roof, looking sick) I'm soo killing that boy.

Christine: I would never forgive you!

Phantom: (almost throws something at her) I GAVE YOU MY MUSIC! MADE YOUR SONG TAKE WIIINNNNG! Jeez, Andrew. These high notes are hard!

Madame Giry: I DID THAT! THAT WAS ME!

Phantom: (makes a shut up sign with his hands) STOP INTERRUPTING MY ANGST SONG!

Madame Giry: (fumes)

Phantom: You better put that bird back in its cage, Giry!

Madame Giry: (throws a shoe at him, but misses)

Phantom: Ha! AND NOW! HOW YOU REPAID ME? DENIED ME AND BETRAYED ME! HE WAS BOUND TO LOVE YOU! WHEN HE HEARD YOU SING! Oh Christine, Christine, Christine... (starts making faces)

Byron: What the heck is he doing?

Phantom: Trying to cry! What does it look like?

Byron: You look like you're trying to lay an egg!

Phantom: (throws a rock at him)

Shelby: OWW!

Phantom: Sorry... That was meant for him.

Christine and Raoul: (off-stage) SAY YOU'LL SHARE WITH ME ONE LOVE! ONE LIFETIME-

Phantom: Aw, come on! Now your just rubbing it in!

Christine and Raoul: SAY THE WORD AND I WILL FOLLOW YOU!

Phantom: (covers his ears) I don't hear anything! I don't hear anything!

Christine and Raoul: SHARE EACH DAY WITH ME, EACH NIGHT, EACH MORNING...

Phantom: That's it! YOU WILL CURSE THE DAY YOU DID NOT DO! ALL THAT THE PHANTOM ASKED OF YOOOOOUUUUUUU! Time to do something stupid! (disappears)

* * *

_(Scene Switch)_

Everyone on stage: (bows)

Christine: (is dressed in Carlotta's costume, but she looks pretty)

Piagi: I told you she'd come back!

Meg: Yeah, yeah, yeah...

Ballet Rats: BUQUET IS GONE! BUQUET IS GONE! OUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!

Firmin and Andre: One less stage-hand to pay... We can finally buy that jacuzzi!

Phantom: (messes with the chandelier) Grrr, stupid, well made chandelier...

Meg: HE'S HERE! THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!

Piagi: Is it time?

Meg: Lock and load, my brotha. (pulls out a crate, opens it and pulls out a machine gun with jawbreaker ammo)

Phantom: What the hel-

Piagi: (puts goggles on both of them) FIRE, my sista!

Meg: (firing the gun in crazy directions) GAAHHHHH!

Piagi: We need more ammo! (rips open a packet of red jawbreakers with his teeth) North! Fire north!

Chandelier: (starts to swing)

Meg: (opens fire on everyone, both stage and in the audience)

Everyone: Take cover!

Byron, Shelby, The Amis and The Scooby Doo Gang: (shield themselves)

Byron: (gets shot) Owww! This cannot be what went down for real!

Shelby: Believe it!

Raoul: Christine! (Tackles her, and shields her with his body) I'll protect you!

Christine: (push him off) Get off me, you dolt! I wasn't even on stage! You just pushed me into danger!

Raoul:...

Chandelier: (falls)

Phantom: GOOOOAAALLLL! (makes a goal sign with his hands before disappearing)

(Black-Out)


	13. Chapter 13

**Now I'm 25% done! And at 56 reviews?! wooooohhhhhhh! Sorry for the long update! I figured out that my school is doing Beauty and The Beast as the spring musical, and I would love it if I was Belle. I have the voice, but I my school is K- 12, and I'm an 8th grader, whose skin is the color of Gaston's hair... I have to rock my audition...**

** This is the chapter when things start to go really arwy for Byron and Shelby... Iceflower, DEATH TO THE FOP! GuitarGirl, I would be like the leader of that Anti- Raoul mob.**

* * *

_Chapter Thirteen: Intermisson: _

* * *

_(In the Audience)_

Byron: (dusting jawbreakers out of his hair) This is insane.

Shelby: (picking jawbreaker pieces out of her hair) Well, Mrs. Len wasn't kidding when she said that this wasn't going to be boring... (flicks a piece at Fred)

Daphne: This hairdo cost a fortune!

Velma: Well, that was a waste of 100 dollars...

Byron: Dude, those things are hard!

Shelby: They're called jawbreakers for a reason...

Fred: That was a weird ending... anyways, time to go!

Daphne: (pulls him back) No... It's only intermission!

Fred: *eye-twitch*

* * *

(Back-stage)

Phantom: (Covered in jaw-breaker dust) I have jaw-breakers in places jaw-breakers should never be...

Christine: Didn't need that information!

Phantom: Whatever.

Meg: You are a way better shot than me!

Piagi: You're not to bad nethur, girl.

Director Todd: (crushes a jawbreaker in his hands)

Raoul: (curling his hair with hair rollers) Hey, boss. What's up?

Director Todd: What have you done to my musical?

Andrew Llyod Webber: Technically, _I_ wrote it-

Director Todd: (pulls out his shaving knives) Want a shave?

Webber: No... (runs out)

Christine: (to Raoul) What are you doing?

Raoul: Curling my hair. Heat is bad for your hair. (fluffs it)

Phantom: (making lots of lassos) Can't wait until I can almost kill this guy...

Director Todd: Again, what have you done to this musical?

Phantom: What do you think?

Carlotta: We performed it-

Christine: And rocked it!

Phantom, Christine and Carlotta: (Triple high- five)

Ensemble: HECK YEAH!

Meg: (pets a cloth bundle) She's ours, Piagi.

Piagi: Yes, and she's so beautiful.

Carlotta: YOU HAD A CHILD TOGETHER?!

Ensemble: (Steps back three steps)

Christine: I knew you wanted a boyfriend, but I didn't think you'd lower your standards this much... or go nearly this far... Aren't you Catholic?

Meg: Its not a baby!

Everyone: Then what is it?

Piagi: (turns the blanket, to reveal the candy machine gun wrapped in a blanket)

Gabrielle: You were talking about it like it was a child...

Meg and Piagi: (baby talk to the gun)

Everyone: (Steps even farther back)

Director Todd: (cries)

* * *

Byron and Shelby: (Are sneaking around back-stage)

Shelby: (fan-girls) OMG! ITS THE RED DEATH COSTUME!

Byron: Quiet!

Shelby: (touches it with reverence) So beautiful...

Costume Director: (beacons to them) Seurge! Elaine! Get into your costumes! You've got two minutes!

Byron and Shelby: What?

Costume Designers: (hauls them in) You guys look a lot younger than we thought... Must be incredibly ballet dancers.

Byron: What? We're in the musical?!

Costume Designer: Yup. Remember? Your big Masquerade number?

Shelby: (another fan-girl squee) Yes! Of course we do!

Costume Designer: Kay! Yer done!

Byron: Wait, what?

* * *

**DUN DUN DUNNNN! Byron and Shelby are mistaken for world famous Russian ballet dancers! Yesss! sorry if this chapter is bad. Have to obsess of the B+B now... Odd thing is, the more I obsess over the school musicals, the better roles I get. Next chap should be up soon.**


	14. Chapter 14

**I have my audition songs stuck in my head, A New Life from Jekyll and Hyde, On My Own from Les Mis, and Once Upon A December from Anastasia...which one is best? ... Jeez, PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE!**

* * *

**And GuitarGirl97, you are the bomb!**

* * *

_Chapter Fourteen: Entrante and Masquerade:_

* * *

(Before the curtain rises in the wings)

Byron: (Dressed like a Nutcracker toy soldier with a drum) We have got to get out of this... Like NOW!

Shelby: (dressed like a monkey with cymbals) THIS IS SOO AWESOME! (fan-girls super hard)

Byron: We can't go onstage! I can't dance!

Shelby: (does a perfect arabesque) I've been taking dance lessons since I was three.

Byron: I hate ballet, and I still know that doesn't qualify you to be a professional.

Shelby: (eye-roll) Just follow my lead.

Byron: BUT I'M A BOY!

Shelby: Suck it up.

(Curtain rises)

Andre and Firmin: (dressed up like skeletons in capes, and are circling the room and still can't see each other.)

Byron: This is so stupid.

Firmin: DEAR ANDRE, WHAT A SPENDID PARTY!

Andre: THE PROLOGUE TO A BRIGHT NEW YEAR!

Firmin: QUITE A NIGHT! I'M IMPRESSED!

Andre: WELL ONE DOES ONE'S BEST! Wait, what?

Both: HEARS TO US!

VicTORIous Cast: HERE'S TO USSSS! HERE'S TO US!

Director Todd: GET OFF THE STAGE!

VicTORIous Cast: (slinks off)

Firmin: I MUST SAY, ALL THE SHAME, THAT THAT "PHANTOM" FELLOW CAN'T BE HERE!

Madame Giry and Ensemble: WAY TO JINX IT, FIRMIN!

Raoul: And I thought I was a fop.

GuitarGirl97: (Leader of the E/C shippers) YOU STILL ARE!

E/C Shippers: (battle cry) YESSS!

Director Todd: GET ON THE STAGE!

Madame Giry: Why did we have a masked ball party, when there's a masked killer on the loose, in the Opera House who can hear through the floors?

Managers: (shrug) YOLO, Right?

Meg: Is that gonna be your excuse for everything?

Managers: Pretty much.

The Giry's: (face-palm)

Ensemble: MASQUERARADE! PAPER FACES ON PARADE! MASQUERADE! HIDE YOUR FACE SO THE WORLD WILL NEVER FIND YOU! (dances)

Shelby: (Dances perfectly)

Byron: (trips multiple times)

Ensemble: MASQUERADE! EVERY FACE A DIFFERANT SHADE! MASQUERADE! STOP AND STARE, THERE'S ANOTHER DOSHE BEHIND YOU! (point at Raoul)

Raoul: HEY!

Ensemble: FLASH OF MAUVE! CURL OF SOMETHING! WHAT KIND OF PERSON WRITES A DANCE SONG IN3/4 TIME! FACE OF BEAST! (point at Phantom)

Phantom: This is why I stay underground!

Ensemble: Sorry! FACES! TAKE YOUR TURN, TAKE YOUR RIDE! ON A MERRY-GO-ROUND OF AN INHUMANE RACE!

(The merry-go-round in Coney Island for Love Never Dies comes out.)

Ensemble: CONEY ISLE! GLISTENING AND GLIMMERING!

Audience and Director Todd: What?

Ensemble: EVERY FANTASY SET FREE! SUMMER RISING BY THE SEA! WONDERS AND ASTONISHMENTS FOR YOUR DELACTATI-

Director Todd: SING THE RIGHT SONG! (dumps all the dolls into a shredder)

Ensemble: (shudders) MASQUERADE! GRINNING YELLOWS, SPINNING REDS! MASQUERADE! WHY IS THIS SONG SO REPATATIVE! MASQUERADE! BURNING GLACES FROM THE TODD! MASQUERADE! STOP AND STARE AT THE DOLL DUST ALL AROUND YOU! (point at director)

Director Todd: (frowns)

Ensemble: MASQUERADE! SNEAKY AGENTS BREATHING LIES! MASQUERADE! SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN THE REVIVAL CAST OF NEWSIES! MASQUERADE! LEERING CRITICS WITH PEERING EYES! MASQUERADE! RUN AND HIDE! BUT BAD REVIEWS WILL STILL PURSUE YOU!

Carlotta: (walks onstage in an Ursula costume)

Meg: (walking ontage in a swan costume with a Duck Dynasty jacket. That show is awesome)

Madame Giry: (dressed like herself with a black hat.)

Piagi: (dressed like a Sultan)

Madame Giry: WHAT A NIGHT!

Meg: WHAT A CROWD!

Firmin: MAKES YOU GLAD! (gives everyone a glass of vodka)

Madame Giry: (slaps it out of Meg's hand)

Meg: What the heck, Mom?

Madame Giry: You're too young to drink. Drinking is bad. (drinks both their cups)

Meg: ? God, let me be adopted.

Andre: MAKES YOU PROUD! ALL THE CREME DE LA CREME!

Carlotta: WATCHING US WATCHING THEM!

The Girys: AND ALL OUR FEARS ARE IN THE PAST!

Andre: SIX MONTHS!

Piagi: OF RELIEF...

Carlotta: OF DELIGHT...

Firmin and Andre: OF ELYSIUM PEACE!

The Girys: AND WE CAN BREATHE AT LAST!

Meg: Way to jinx it!

Carlotta: NO MORE NOTES! I hate reading!

Piagi: NO MORE GHOST!

Madame Giry: HERE'S A HEALTH!

Andre: HERE'S A TOAST! TO A PROSPOROUS YEAR!

Firmin: TO THE NEW CHANDELIER!

Phantom: Hmmmm... Would ya look at that! They got a new one! Can't wait to blow it up...

Piagi and Carlotta: AND MAY ITS SPLENDOR NEVER FADE!

Byron: (still tripping over his own shoes) Sorry. But its splendor fades fast, man.

Firmin: SIX MONTHS! We get it, already!

Madame Giry: WHAT A JOY!

Meg: WHAT A CHANGE!

Andre: AND WHAT A MASQUERADE!

(Christine walks in, dressed as a star princess, with Raoul by her side, dressed like a prince, with curly hair)

Christine: (with a plastic smile on her face) Raoul, honey... why did you perm your hair.

Raoul: It makes me hotter.

GuitarGirl97: (shoots a flaming arrow at his butt) Now, you'll be hotter!

Christine: Thank you...

Director Todd: (glares)

Christine: (really quietly) THINK OF IT! A SECRET ENGAGEMENT! LOOK, YOUR FUTURE BRIGHT! JUST THINK OF IT!

Everyone: What did she say?

E/C Shippers: (Prepare grenades)

Raoul: (really loud) BUT WHY IS IT SECRET? WHA-GRENADE!

GuitarGirl97: (Throws grenade on stage)

E/C Shippers: (Throw mini grenades on stage)

Raoul: (ducks but gets hit...)

Christine: (bows in reverence to them.)

Director Todd: START FROM THE BEGINING!

Raoul: (covered in dust) Is this Sweet-Tarts dust?

GuitarGirl97: What did you think it was? We may want to rip out your guts, but we have to keep you alive so we can hurt you some more!

Raoul: Thank...you?

E/C Shippers: (growl)

Raoul: (super loud) BUT WHY IS IT SECRET? WHAT HAVE WE TO HIDE?

Shelby: Not so secret anymore. (takes Christine's mask and begins dancing with it)

Christine: 1) There's a deformed masked freak whose monstrously in love with me and has shown that he'll kill for me. And 2) We have lots of your selfies on my phone to delete, your Facebook account, and your email. Your inbox is so full that your death threats are coming through mine.

Shelby: Word to ya motha!

Shelby and Christine: (high-five)

Christine: YOU PROMISED ME!

Raoul: **A promise that I don't intend to keep.** (whoever guesses who said this gets to be installed in the next chapter. Hint: Its a Disney movie)

Christine: PLEASE RAOUL, DON'T! THEY'LL SEE!

Raoul: (super loud) ITS AN ENGAGEMENT NOT A CRIME!

Phantom: It is now...

Raoul: CHRISTINE, WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?

Christine: The Phantom, lions, snakes, spiders, spikes, the Plague, bears, tigers, komono dragons, sharks, piranhas, and stalkers-

Raoul: Wow...

Christine and Raoul: LETS NOT ARGUE! PLEASE PRETEND! YOU/I HOPE WILL UNDERSTAND IN TIME!

Byron: (sort of dancing) If you're arguing now, I'd hate to see how your marriage turns out.

Shelby: We'll have to see that next month.

Byron: (cries)

Ensemble: MASQUERARADE! PAPER FACES ON PARADE! MASQUERADE! HIDE YOUR FACE SO THE WORLD WILL NEVER FIND YOU! (dances)

Shelby: (Dances perfectly)

Byron: (trips multiple times)

Ensemble: MASQUERADE! EVERY FACE A DIFFERANT SHADE! MASQUERADE! STOP AND STARE, THERE'S ANOTHER DOSHE BEHIND YOU! (point at Raoul)

Raoul: (cries)

Ensemble: FLASH OF MAUVE! CURL OF SOMETHING! WHAT KIND OF PERSON WRITES A DANCE SONG IN 3/4 TIME! FACE OF BEAST! TOUR DE FRANCE! (point at Phantom)

Phantom: This is why I stay underground!

Ensemble: Sorry! FACES! TAKE YOUR TURN, TAKE YOUR RIDE! ON A MERRY-GO-ROUND OF AN INHUMANE RACE!

(The Pit Orchestra starts playing Façade from Jekyll and Hyde. If you like Phantom you'll like J+H)

Ensemble Girls: NEARLY EVERYONE YOU SEE, LIKE HIM, AND HER AND YOU AND ME PRETENDS TO BE A PILLAR OF SOCIETY!

Todd: (pulls out his shaving knives)

Everyone: THE LADIES AND GENTS HERE BEFORE YOU! WHICH NONE OF 'EM EVER ADMITS! THEY HAVE SAINTLY LOOKS! BUT THEIR SINNERS AND CROOKS! HYPOCRITES! (point at Director) HYPOCRI-

Director Todd: SING THE RIGHT SONG! (dumps all the dolls into a shredder)

Ensemble: (shudders) MASQUERADE! GRINNING YELLOWS, SPINNING REDS! MASQUERADE! I'D COULD WATCH CATCHING FIRE INSIDE MY BEDROOM! MASQUERADE! BURNING GLACES FROM THE TODD! MASQUERADE! STOP AND STARE AT THE DOLL DUST ALL AROUND YOU! (point at director)

Director Todd: (frowns)

Ensemble: MASQUERADE! SNEAKY AGENTS BREATHING LIES! MASQUERADE! SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN THE REVIVAL CAST OF NEWSIES! MASQUERADE! LEERING CRITICS WITH PEERING EYES! MASQUERADE! RUN AND HIDE! BAD REVIEWS WILL STILL PURSUE YOU!

(Phantom Music plays)

**That's it for tonight! If you want to be in a chapter, say it in your review and it shall be done! you'll BE MY GUEST, BE MY GUEST PUT MY SERVICE TO THE TEST! Sorry, just watched Beauty and the Beast, and now I'm breathing it! Can't wait for audition time! WAHHHH! PLEASE R&R!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello again! 71 reviews?! (dies of happiness, and resurrects to write more) YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING! Everyone who reviewed the last chapter, will get to be in a chapter in this fic, either LND or POTO. PM me, if you want a choice in it. **

**Congrats to the winners of the contest! The answer is: COGSWORTH from Beauty and the Beast! And the winners are:**

**Rosie**

**TheMusicThatIWrite**

**XXPay4XtraShippingsXX**

**angelicdamnation**

**Not A Ghost**

**Again, Congrats! The questions will get harder and harder, as the story progresses. The questions will be bolded... ENJOY THE LATEST CHAPTER, AND HAPPY THANKSGIVING!**

* * *

_Chapter Fifteen: Why So Silent:_

* * *

_(Previously On Phantastic Mr. Phantom)_

Ensemble: (shudders) MASQUERADE! GRINNING YELLOWS, SPINNING REDS! MASQUERADE! I'D COULD WATCH CATCHING FIRE INSIDE MY BEDROOM! MASQUERADE! BURNING GLACES FROM THE TODD! MASQUERADE! STOP AND STARE AT THE DOLL DUST ALL AROUND YOU! (point at director)

Director Todd: (frowns)

* * *

Ensemble: MASQUERADE! SNEAKY AGENTS BREATHING LIES! MASQUERADE! SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN THE REVIVAL CAST OF NEWSIES! MASQUERADE! LEERING CRITICS WITH PEERING EYES! MASQUERADE! RUN AND HIDE! BAD REVIEWS WILL STILL PURSUE YOU!

(Phantom Music plays, and the Phantom appears in a Red Death Costume)

Everyone on Stage: SCREAM!

E/C Shippers: (fangirl scream) WE LOVE YOU, ERIK!

Raoul: (looks at his bare wrist) Ohh, look at the time... (starts to run away)

Meg: (drags him back) Not so fast...

TheMusicThatIWrite, Iceflower, and angelicdamnation: (create a human barrier with their bodies)

Iceflower: (points a spear at his heart) Move, and you die.

Raoul: (turns around) Check it out! Christine! (runs to her)

angelicdamnation: We thought so. (chest bumps everyone)

Phantom: WHY SO SILENT, GOOD MOUSIERS?

Firmin: (dumps out his vodka bottle) Too much...

Phantom: DID YOU THINK THAT I HAD LEFT YOU FOR GOOD?

TheMusicThatIWrite, Meg, and Madame Giry: (hits the managers in the back of the head) Idiots!

Madame Giry: You jinxed us!

Managers: OWW!

Phantom: HAVE YOU MISSED ME, GOOD MOUSIERS-

Managers, Ballet Rats, and Ensemble: Nope... Not really.

Phantom: STOP INTERUPTING ME! (breathes in) I HAVE WRITTEN YOU AN OPERA!

Christine: Was it based on the one you wee working on while I was in bed?

Phantom: Yup. (tosses her stockings back to her) You left these.

Christine: Thanks. It was way too hot in that lair, anyways.

Ensemble, and E/C Shippers: (take a step back)

Fanfiction Writers: (pull out their computers)

Raoul: I don't believe this...

Christine and the Phantom: What?

Raoul: You two, (makes weird hand signs)

Christine and the Phantom: NO!

Phantom: I'm not that perverted!

Christine: And I would never let my standards sink that low!

Phantom: Yeah!...Wait, what?

Raoul: This is not happening...

(They start fighting)

Meg: This is gonna take a while... (flips out her phone and updates her Facebook status) Status update: Being terrorized by a pyshco Opera Ghost. (starts reading other status updates) **Beggar Woman: Just got killed by my socio husband... Ugh... Johanna: Locked up in the woman's asylum... Fantine: Valjean is being a jerk, and not turning the heater on, while I'm dying...Belle: Gaston proposed, and I'm taking to a wardrobe... HELP! THE OLD RUSTY CLOCK IS ACTING WEIRD AGAIN!Weirdo... Hodel: Stuck in Siberia... Maria: My boyfriend just killed my brother... I never liked Bernardo-**

**Which musicals are these people from?**

Phantom: DO YOU MIND, WOMAN?

Meg: The argument is going nowhere.

Phantom: Whatever... HERE I BRING THE FINISHED SCORE! DON JUAN TRIMUPHANT! (throws the score on the ground) Basically a rip-off of Don Giovanni.

Raoul and Christine: (still fighting)

Christine: NOTHING HAPPENED! GET IT RIGHT!

Raoul: YEAH RIGHT!

Phantom: Um... guys?

Both of them: (super ticked-off) WHAT?

Phantom: Never mind... I ADVISE YOU TO COMPLY! I SHOULD MAKE THAT MY INSTRUCTIONS ARE CLEAR!

Firmin: Won't stop us from ignoring you!

Phantom: (death-glare) REMEMBER THERE ARE WORSE THINGS THAN A SHATTERED CHADELIER!

Meg: No kidding. (points at Christine and Raoul who stopped fighting, and are still super mad)

Phantom: (brings Christine to him, grabs her necklace, which has her engagement ring on it, and rips it off) YOUR CHAINS ARE STILL MINE! YOU BELONG TO MEEEE! (lights the stage on fire, and disappears)

Raoul: (super ticked off, and scared)

Meg: (Opens candy fire on the stage)

Everyone: (runs in random directions, screaming and run off-stage)

Raoul: MADAME GIRY! MADAME GIRY! You know something?

Rosie: Where did he get that idea?

Contest Winners: (shrug)

XXPayForShippingsXX: Who wants to go sharpen torture tools?

E/C Shippers, and Contest Winners: YEAH! (run off)

Madame Giry: (very unconvincingly) I KNOW _NOTHING_! PLEASE DON'T ASK ME!

Raoul: For all our sakes!

Madame Giry: I DON'T LIKE ANY OF YOU PEOPLE!

Not A Ghost: Wow, Raoul... Your fiancée's life has been threatened and you don't care enough to check on her?

Raoul: Nope (takes away Madame Giry's phone)

Madame Giry: (lunges for it) NOT MY BABY!

Meg: What about me?

Madame Giry: Do you seriously want the honest answer to that question?

Meg: No.

Raoul: TELL ME, TELL ME, TELL ME SOMETHING I DONT KNOW! SOMETHING I DONT KNOW! SOMETHING I DON'T KNO-

Madame Giry: Shut up, and I'll tell you! There was a dumb fair in town with peformers, elephants... bah, blah blah, substantial popcorn, and bam! There was a man locked in a cage with a butt-ugly face, and I rescued him, and now he's living underneath the Opera house...

Raoul: What?

Madame Giry: (grabs her phone and walks off-stage) I've said too much, balh, blah blah... ANGRY BIRDS!

**For**** GuitarGirl97, another sneak peek at Love Never Dies!**

* * *

_(Dear Old Friends)_

Raoul: Madame Giry!

Madame Giry: (stunned) Raoul?

Raoul: Its been such a long tim-

Madam Giry: (pepper sprays him)

* * *

_(Why Does She Love Me?)_

Raoul: WHY DOES SHE LOVE ME?

Not A Ghost: Because the plot requires it.

Bartender: Is he gonna pay us yet?

Not A Ghost: Not a chance

* * *

(Devil Take The Hindmost)

Raoul: Oh my God, what have I done? I could lose her forever... My Christine! (runs out)

Bartender: You still haven't paid yet!

Raoul: Screw it! I'm broke, anyways!


	16. Chapter 16

**87 reviews? (fangirls)YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME! Sorry for not updating! My audition's on Monday, and I've been trying super hard with it, and I have a huge history test, and life is mean...No one will be in this chapter but lots of reviewers will be in the next one! ENJOY!**

**P.S. There is a quote from Medival Fun Time Zone, a Bad Lip Reading, and whoever gets it gets to shove dynamite down Raoul's pants, and if you can guess who said it, you get to hug Erik and Christine as well!**

* * *

_Chapter Sixteen: Notes... AGAIN!_

* * *

Andre: LUDICROUS! HAVE YOU SEEN THE SCORE?

Firmin: SIMPLY LUDICROUS! Soo much reading...

Andre: ITS THE FINAL STRAW!

Phantom: Yeah right...(makes extra lassos)

Firmin: THIS IS LUNACY! WELL YOU KNOW MY VIEWS!

Andre; Yep. Red-heads and blondes are hot, brunettes are not...YOU LIKE BIG BUT-

Firmin: (hits him with the thick score) Not those views!

Meg: Aren't you married?

Firmin: (flirtatiously) That won't stop me, baby.

Meg: (socks him in the face)

Andre: UTTER LUNACY!

Firmin: BUT WE DAREN'T REFUSE... What? We refused him once, and we're on a roll!

Managers: AIN'T NO STOPING US NOOOOOWWWWW! WE'RE ON THE MO-

Director Todd: (hangs Andre and Firmin doll's body parts on his daughter's Christmas tree) I love you, Johanna.

Johanna: This doesn't seem normal...

Director Todd: (evil smile)

Andre: How are you not in prison right now?

Director Todd: Don't bring up my summer job... and winter job...and spring job...

Firmin: What's you're fall job? Burning puppies?

Director Todd: It was selling kitten-burgers, but... I'll give you that one.

Everyone: (throws up a little in their mouths)

Andre: NOT ANOTHER CHANDELIER! What? We got another one?

Firmin: (face-palm) Gosh, you're stupid...LOOKEY AT WHAT WE HAVE HERE!

Andre: DEAR ANDRE, RE-READ MY ORCHESTRATIONS...NOOOOO! MORE READING? (sinks to his knees) WHYYYYYYYY!

Phantom: *eye-roll* Managers...such drama queens. KEEP READING!

Andre: (deep breath) FINNNNNEEEE...WE NEED ANOTHER FIRST BASSOON! GET A PLAYER WITH TONE, AND THAT THIRD TROMBONE, HAS TO GO! THE MAN COULD NOT BE DEAFER, SO PREFERABLY PICK ONE WHO PLAYS IN TUNE!

Firmin: DEAR FIRMIN, THIS IS MY OPERA! We know! You're name's in the title!

Phantom: Is it me, or did you suddenly get smarter, since the last time we met?

Firmin: I'm back in some high school classes to stimulate my mind...

Andre: We were supposed to go to high school?

Phantom and Firmin: (double-face-palm)

Firmin: Moving on! SOME CHORUS MEMBERS MUST BE SACKED!

Ensemble: (drags a couple flour sacks full of people, off the stage)

Flour bag people: GAHH!

Firmin: NOT LITERALLY! I'm surrounded by idiots... IF YOU COULD FIND OUT WHICH HAS A SENSE OF PITCH, WISELY THOUGH, I'VE MANAGED TO ASSIGN A VERY MINOR ROLE TO THOSE WHO CANNOT ACT! A.k.a Cow Lady.

Carlotta: OUTRAGE!

Phantom: The cow has returned!

Firmin: WHAT IS IT NOW!

Carlotta: THE WHOLE AFFAIR IS AN OUTRAGE!

Andre: (still dizzy from getting hit in the face) FLUUFFY AGRIBADE!

Everyone: He's lost whatever he had.

Carlotta: HAVE YOU SEEN THE SIZE OF MY PART?!

Phantom: I wrote it, thinking especially of your "skill set", and personality! Enjoy!

Piagi: IT IS AN OUTRAGE!

Firmin: Where are you people coming from? The door is locked!

Carlotta: (holds out a pin)

Piagi: JUST LOOK AT THIS- ITS AN INSULT! Music I can't read! I can't read music at all! How dare he make me read!

Carlotta: JUST LOOK AT THE SIZE OF MY PART! (shows the managers)

Managers: (look) Seems quite appropriate, if you ask me...

Carlotta: (steam pours out of her ears, and her face turns red)

Piagi: IF YOU COULD CALL THIS "GIBBERISH" ART!

Phantom: Too complex for your tiny little minds to comprehend, eh? Point: Phantom!

Christine: (walks in as if she doesn't mean to be here)

Carlotta: (sarcastically) HERE'S OUR LITTLE FLOWER!

Christine: Wait... so this isn't the bathroom? Dang it!

Firmin: (hands her the score) AHHH, MISS DAAE! QUITE THE LADY OF THE HOUR!

Christine: Do any of your singing lines make sense?

Firmin: (checking) Ye- wait...ye-wait, no... Nope.

Andre: YOU'VE SECURED THE LARGEST ROLE IN DON JUAN!

Christine: Thank you, Captain Obvious...

Carlotta: CHRISTINE DAAE! SHE DOESN'T HAVE THE VOICE!

Christine: Shut up!

Raoul: THAN YOU AGREE WITH THIS?

Christine: Oh my Godz, will you stop following me?

Raoul: No!

Christine: For the last time, stalking is _not_ romantic! And watching the Twilight Movie Series is not gonna help this relationship!

Firmin: Again, where are these people coming from?! The door is freakin' locked!

Madame Giry: We don't appreciate that kind of language in the Opera House.

Firmin: Have you seen what you say in Love Never Dies? It's way worse!

Madame Giry: Whatever.

Carlotta: SHE'S THE ONE BEHIND THIS...

Everyone: (doesn't care)

Carlotta: SHE'S THE ONE BEHIND THIS! CHRISTINE DAAE!

Christine: HOW DARE YOU!

Raoul: (combs his hair) Good, Miranda...

Carlotta: IM NOT A FOOL!

Phantom and Christine: That's a matter of opinion!

Christine: YOU EVIL WOMAN! HOW DARE YOU! I DON'T WANT A PART IN THIS PLOT!

*Christine, Carlotta and Piagi start fighting*

Firmin: HAVEN'T WE SUNG THIS SONG ALREADY?

Everyone in the scene except Christine: YES!

Christine: THERE IS NO WAY I AM SINGING IN THAT PSHCYO'S MUSICAL!

Phantom: 1) How many times must I explain this? I'm a sociopath... not a pschyopath. Its not that hard! And 2) Its an Opera, not a musical!

Firmin: YOU MUST SING!

Christine: No!

Firmin: Yes!

Christine: No!

Firmin: Yes!

Christine: No!

Firmin: But whhhyyy!

Christine: Because he's a # $%!

Piagi: You literally just said a bunch of computer symbols... you know that, right?

Andre: Does I look like we care? No! You're still singing! We are not paying for another chandelier! Or insurance of any kind!

Meg: You're really that cheap?

Managers: And proud of it!

Christine: (super whinny) But I DON'T WANNA!

Firmin: Well, you will!

Everyone: (start arguing for no good reason)

Christine: (super annoyed, and throws the score on the ground) NO! CONTINUE AND I'LL GO MAD! *eye-twitch*

Carlotta: Let's continue!

Everyone: (picks up something from the ground and throws it at her)

* * *

**Yes, I do realize I skipped half of Notes#2. I got tired. I am a human. I need sleep.**

**Sorry if this chapter is bad... Its 1 in the morning... and my body has shut down. Hope you like it!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Sorry for the long update! Almost 100 reviews?! (fan girl screech) I would've updated sooner but I got to see Phantom ON Monday on stage... And it was amazing! Everyone was sooo amazing and going to sleep at like midnight on a school night was worth it! My mom took me to it since I didn't get into the play... Only high schoolers did... And now everyone's mad.**

**And the winners of the contest before this are:**

**Spirit of the Opera**

**Just A Guest **

**Mitz-D1999**

**Guest **

**ISingOnly4MyAngel**

**Congrats you guys! No one got the last contest so I cancelled it. THE WINNERS GET TO SHOVE DYNAMITE DOW RAOULS PANTS! BWAHAHAHAHA! And with no further ado... CHAPTA 17!**

* * *

_Chapter Seventeen: Notes Part II and Twisted Every Way_

* * *

Director Todd: SING THE RIGHT LYRICS OR YOU ALL GET SHAVED!

Everyone: (shudders)

Meg: So much hostility... Peace, my brothers! World peace!

Christine: Good luck with that... Call me when Godzilla attacks New York again, will ya?

Phantom: I'm singing so shut up!

Madame Giry: Soo many notes... ARGGHHH! FONDEST GREETINGS TO YOU ALL! A FEW INSTRUCTIONS JUST BEFORE REHEARSAL STARTS! A few? Jeeez, this is a bunch of details!

Phantom: Time for you to shut up now! CARLOTTA MUST BE TAUGHT TO ACT! NOT HER NORMAL TRICK OF STRUTTING 'ROUND THE STAGE!

Carlotta: (snaps in z-formation) Ohh, he did _not_ just go there!

Christine: (takes her by the shoulders) Don't go street on us, Carlotta. It's just sad.

Phantom: OUR DON JUAN MUST LOSE SOME WEIGHT. ITS NOT HEALTHY IN A MAN OF PIAGI'S AGE- And you've got to stop telling people you're a teenager. Your not fooling anyone.

Piagi: Hey! 45 is still a teenager!

Phantom: Whatever. AND MY MANAGERS MUST LEARN THEIR PLACE IS IN AN OFFICE, NOT THE ARTS!

Managers: You honestly think we don't know that?

Everyone: Yes. Yes, we do.

Andre: We're not idiots.

Raoul: Is that a topic up for debate?

Phantom: I agree with the fop.

Raoul: FOR THE LAST TIME, I AM NOT A FOP!

Phantom: (shows a picture of Raoul playing with his barbies)

Raoul: You have no prof of that!

ISingOnlyMyAngel: That guy is clearly you in the picture.

Meg: Are you wearing my tutu?

(Silence)

Phantom: Okay, moving on! AS FOR MISS CHRISTINE DAAE-

Christine: Oh shi-

Phantom: NO DOUBT SHE'LL DO HER BEST! ITS TRUE, HER VOICE IS GOOD, SHE KNOWS, THOUGH SHOULD SHE WISH TO EXCEL SHE HAS MUCH STILL TO LEARN, IF PRIDE WILL LET HER RETURN TO ME, HER TEACHER, HER TEACHER... Man, what a run on sentence!

Madame Giry: Your obedient friend and angel...

(Silence)

Christine: Wait, so everyone's ok, with the fact that I'm being taught by a guy who is kinda a fugitive?

Mitz- D1999: It seems so.

Raoul: WE HAVE ALL BEEN BLIND,AND YET THE ANSWER IS STARING US RIGHT IN THE FACE!

Just A Guest: (Makes dynamite)

Raoul: THIS COULD BE A CHANCE TO ENSNARE OUR CLEVER FRIEND!

Firmin: Go on...

Raoul: WE SHALL PLAY HIS GAME! PERFORM HIS WORK BUT REMEMBER WE STILL HOLD THE ACE- FOR IF MISS DAAE SINGS, HE WILL BE SURE TO ATTEND!

Spirit of the Opera: This idea would sound smart, if he was a different person and if the PHANTOM COULDN'T HEAR THROUGH THE FRICKIN' FLOOR!

Meg: True dat. (high-five)

Firmin, Andre, and Raoul: We're not singing this junk, soo...HIS REIGN WILL END!

Madame Giry: MADNESS! WE'VE SEEN HIM KILL!

Firmin: You stick to ballet!

Madame Giry: (beats him senseless with her walking stick, and points to Andre) You're next!

Mitz-D1999, Just A Guest, Spirit of the Opera, Guest, and ISingOnly4MyAngel: (shove several sticks of dynamite into Raoul's pants)

Raoul: THIS ANGEL WILL FAL- OWWWWWW!

Christine: I love you guys!

Just A Guest: Your welcome.

Everyone: (begins arguing)

Christine: *eye-twitch, and slaps Raoul* IF YOU DON'T STOP, I'LL GO MAD! (throws score on the ground)

Phantom: NOOOO! MY MUSIC! (in a hippie tone) Respect it, man. Respect the music!

Random Phan-girl: NOOOO! HE'S GONE HIPPIE!

Just A Guest: I think he'll be o.k, Susan.

(crying) RAOUL, I'M FRIGHTENED, DON'T MAKE ME DO THIS... RAOUL, IT SCARES ME, DON'T PUT ME THROUGH THIS ORDEAL BY FIRE! HE'LL TAKE ME, I KNOW! WE'LL BE PARTED FOREVER... what's the down side to this?

Director Todd: (shreds Christine doll, and grates it over his daughter's pasta)

Johanna: I still don't think this is right...

Christine: (groaning) Fiiiiiinnnnnneee... HE WON'T LET ME GO! WHAT I ONCE USED TO DREAM, I NOW DREAD-

Authoress: Just like the discovery of Miley Cyrus...

Christine: IF HE FINDS ME, again! He lives in my mirror! IT WON'T EVER END! AND HE'LL ALWAYS BE THERE SINGING SONGS IN MY HEAD! HE'LL ALWAYS BE THERE SINGING SONGS IN MY HEAD!

Carlotta: (drinking some water) What do you think she's on, this time?

Meg: I dunno. Shrooms?

Madame Giry: Maybe its those weird leaves in the garden next to the blueberries...

Firmin: Possibly...

Raoul: YOU SAID YOURSELF, HE WAS NOTHING BUT A MAN-(takes Christine's hands, and puts extra emphasis on man)

Christine: You're not helping...

Raoul: YET WHILE HE LIVES, HE WILL HAUNT US TILL WE'RE DEAD!

Christine: That makes no sense! Can't any of your lines make sense, just for once?!

Raoul: No.

Christine: TWISTED EVERY WAY, WHAT ANSWER CAN I GIVE? AM I TO RISK MY LIFE TO WIN THE CHANCE TO LIVE- wait what the H-E-double hockey sticks is this?!

Phantom: I never threatened to kill you!

Christine: CAN I BETRAY THE MAN, WHO ONCE INSPIRED MY VOICE? DO I BECOME HIS PREY? DO I HAVE ANY CHOICE? Yes, yes I do! HE KILLS WITHOUT A THOUGHT! HE MURDERS ALL THAT'S GOOD-

Ballet Rats and Phan-girls: You're calling Buquet good?!

Christine: Fair point... I KNOW I CAN'T REFUSE! AND YET I WISH I COULD! OH GOD! IF I AGREE, WHAT HORRORS WAIT FOR ME-

Phantom: You have such little faith in me... My opera can be good, can't it?

Everyone: No... Just no.

Christine: IN THIS, INSIDE THE PHANTOM'S OPERA?

Meg: Its definately the shrooms.

Andre: I'm with Firmin on this one. Those blueberries are wonky, man.

Carlotta: We're not in the 80's anymore. No one says wonky.

Raoul: (kneeling on the ground) CHRISTINE, CHRISTINE, DON'T THINK THAT I DON'T CARE! BUT EVERY HOPE AND EVERY PRAYER RESTS ON YOU NOW!

Everyone: (starts pestering her)

Christine: (runs out) I CAN'T!

Raoul: (yelling at nothing)

Andre: Never mind what I said before. It's shrooms.

Firmin: Yup. (hands Meg money)

Meg: Score!

Raoul: (still yelling at nothing) SO IT IS TO BE WAR BETWEEN US?

Phantom: It already is.

Raoul: BUT THIS TIME, MY CLEVER FRIEND, THE DISASTER WILL BE YOURS!

Phantom: Sure...

* * *

**Hope you liked it! And instead of a contest, I'd like every reviewer to submit a song from either any Just Dance Game, Micheal Jackson the Experiance, or a karaoke game for future chapters! Please make it clean, and mostly Just Dance and The Micheal Jackson. Whoever submits gets to give Erik a hug and be in a chapter! BYE!**


	18. Chapter 18

**HAAAAAHHHHH! 104 REVIEWS?! I LOVE YOU GUYS! An it seems you guys love Michael Jackson... My friend told me she didn't know who he was, and when i showed her, she said he was stupid...SHE CALLED THE KING OF POP STUPID! And she doesn't know who Jack Sparrow is... EVEN MY THREE YEAR OLD COUSIN KNOWS WHO HE IS! And she doesn't like musicals... yet she wants to act and sing... I feel confused... Anywho... CHAPTA 18!**

**P.S: I'm including what actually happens in rehearsals to make the chapter funnier and longer... sooooo yeah... CHAPTER 18!**

* * *

_Chapter Eighteen: Rehersal for Don Juan Triumphant:_

* * *

_(Underneath the Opera House in the Lair)_

Phantom: (banging uselessly on his organ at 10 at night) TILL I HEAR YOU SCREAM, wait what? No that can't work...TILL I HEAR YOUR SPLEEN, okay, no more wine before composing time... TILL I HEAR YOU SSSSSSIIIIINNNNGGGGG! ONCE MOOOORREEE! Yes! Thats it! (scribbles on a piece of paper)

_(In the Opera House, in the Ballet Rats)_

Ballet Rats: (are attempting to sleep)

Phantom: (from underground) I TURN AND IT FADES AWAY, AND YOOOOUUUURRRRR NNNOOOTTTT HHHHEEEERRRREEEE!

Gabrielle: (grabs her pillow and slams it over her head) He hasn't shut up for three hours!

Daphne: (rubs her red eyes wearily) It feels like a freakin' eternity since there's been any silence around here...

Natasha the ballet rat: Yeah...

_(Flashback to three hours earlier)_

Ballet Rats: (getting into bed)

Carlotta: (from the showers) YOU HAVE TO PAY THE BILL! TANGLE IN THE WINDING SSHHHEEETTTHHHESSS!

Ballet Rats: (cover their ears) THE PAAIINNN!

Christine: Make it STOP!

Meg: (shrinks to the floor) WHYYY, GOD, WHY? WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN US?!

_(Flashback ended)_

Ballet Rats: (wince)

Natasha: (Reading Dante's) It's not in here!

Gabrielle: What?

Natasha: None of what's happening here is in the Seventh or Eighth level of Hell!

Christine: (grabs the book) That's impossible!

Phantom: (from the lair) AH, CHRISTINE, MY CHRISTINE! YOU CAME AND FOUND WHERE I HID! DON'T YOU DENY THAT YOU DID! THAT LONG AGO NIIIGHHHHTTT! ONCE THERE WAS A NIIIIIGGGHHHT! BENEATH A MOONLESS SKKKKKKYYYYY!

Ballet Rats: (stare at Christine)

Christine: I have no idea what's going on... Lets sleep...

Daphne: But what about the Beneath a Moonless Sk-

Christine: Sleep...NOW!

Natasha: (falls off the bed) WOAAHH! OWW! My head!

Christine: Suck it up!

Ballet Rats: (try to fall asleep, out of fear)

Phantom: AND I TOUCHED YOU, AND I HEARD THOSE RAVISHING REFRAINS-

Christine: (punches a hole through the wall) That's it! I'm going to see Reyer!

* * *

(At Reyer's section of the Opera House)

Raoul: (hugging a Rainbow Dash plushie) I've had enough of this nonsense! I cannot keep missing the Littlest Pet Shop marat- I mean the new Psych episode.

Carlotta: Your attempts to be manly, are worse than my attempts at being talented.

Christine and the Ballet Rats: (storm in) THIS IS DAMNABLE! WE WILL ALL WALK OUT! THIS IS DAMNABLE!

Reyer: LADIES, PLEASE DON'T SHOUT!

Christine: THE AUDACITY! THIS MUST BE THE LAST! PURE AUDACITY!

Everyone: NOOOO! NOT ANOTHER NOTES NUMBER!

Madame Giry: They are quite annoying...

The Managers: And down-right confusing...

(Awkward silence)

Reyer: Well... since everyone's awake, we might as well start practicing for Don Juan Triumphant (starts handing out scores)

Everyone: (groans)

Meg: (walks in, yawns and stretches)

Christine: You have got to be kidding me... You slept through all that?

Meg: All what? What did I miss?

Natasha: Phanty dfdown here has been banging on his organ all night, and no one can sleep, except you...

Meg: (Creepy smile)

Christine: Gross.

Gabrielle: How did you sleep through that?

Meg: Madame Giry is my mom... And all she does in this production is sing plot points and scream at people. I could sleep through the zombie apocalypse. So what did I miss?

Daphne: We're rehearsing for Don Juan Triumphant.

Meg: Oh look at the time! (Looks at bare wrist) Time to hit the hay! (claps her hands together and starts to leave) Well, you guys have a jolly good time... Enjoy yourselves, pip-pip-cherio, and God Save the Quee-

Christine: (grabs her) This is France, not Britain, even though the cast has a Cockney accent thanks to _someone_-

The Artful Dodger: (whistles inconspicuously)

Christine: And second, if we're going down, your coming down with us.

Meg: (groans)

Reyer: Let's start at the title song... Measure three... 1...2...3!

Chorus: (super tired and annoyed) HERE WE SAY THIS OPERA'S CRAP! HERE WE SAY THE LINE IS CROSSED ! WE WOULD LOVE TO TAKE A NAP! HOW MUCH SLEEP MUST HAVE WE LOST?

Christine: I CANT STAND THIS ANY-MOOOREEE! PLEASE, O PLE-ASE DO SHUT UP!

Piagi: THOSE WHO INTERRUPT MY SLLEEEEPPP-

Phantom: (bangs an ugly chord on the piano) FINE! I'll stop playing... but only because a stalagtite fell on my organ...

Everyone: (goes back to bed)

* * *

(The Next Evening)

Chorus: HIDE YOUR SWORD OH WOUNDED KNIGGHHHHTTTT! YOUR VAINGLORIOUS GASCONNADE, BROUGHT YOU TO YOUR FINAL FIGHT! FOR YOUR PRIDE, HIGH PRICE YOU'VE PAID!

Piagi: No kidding...

Carlotta: Why can't any chorus lines make sense?

Chorus: (shrugs)

Christine: SILKEN COUCH AND HAY FILLED BAAARRRRNNN! BOTH HAVE BEEN HIS BATTLEFIELD! Aw, ewwww! Piagi has to seduce me?

Reyer: (reads script) Pretty much...

Christine: (mumbles bad things)

Piagi: THOSE WHO TANGLE WITH DON JUAN-

Reyer: NO, NO NO, NO! (calms down) How can I put this without sounding mean... You suck.

Piagi: Hey! Yo' knows this is difficlut for me!

Carlotta: (face-palm)

Reyer: (eye-twitch) This is the phrase. Those who tan, tan, tan-

Piagi: THOSE WHO TANGLE-

Reyer: NO!

Carlotta: At least he makes it sound like music!

Madame Giry: (bored) How could you speak like that in the presence of the composer.

Carlotta: He's not here.

Madame Giry: Are you sure, he's not here?

Carlotta: (silence)

Christine: YOU JUST GOT PWNED!

Piagi: THOSE WHO TAN-

Reyer: NO!

Piagi: That's it. (beats Reyer up)

Chorus: FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!

Piano: I will play by myself! (starts playing)

Piagi: (lets go of Reyer's neck)

Reyer: (stops biting Piagi's leg)

Chorus, except Christine: POOR YOUNG MAIDEN! FOR THE THRILL ON YOUR TONGUE OF STOLEN SWEETS! YOU WILL HAVE TO PAY THE BILL-

Christine: Eww!

Chorus: TANGLE IN THE WINDING SHEETS!

Meg: MEGAA PWNED!

* * *

**I'm still excepting songs! Please R&R! I'm getting scared that these aren't funny anymore! MERRY CHRISTMAS!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Thank you guys for reviewing! 111 REVIEWS?! yeaaaaaahhhhh! Glad you think this fic is funny, and for your Christmas gift...CHAPTA 18!**

* * *

_Chapter Nineteen: Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again:_

* * *

Random Person: (gives Christine a blue cloak-type thing)

Christine: Did I become a Jedi?

Random Person: No.

Christine: (disappointed) Then, what do I need this fo-

Director Todd: (magically teleports her to the cemetery)

Christine: What the hel-

Director Todd: SING!

Christine: Oh yeah... IN SLEEP HE SANG TO MEEEE! IN DREAMS, HE CAME! THAT VOICE WHICH CALLS FOR ME! AND SPEAKS MY NAAAAMMMMMEEEE! Now what?

Director Todd: Cry!

Christine: What the f-

Director Todd: (throws a spike-ball at her)

Christine: OWWW! (cries) You're evil.

Director Todd: You're welcome.

Christine: (to her father's grave) LITTLE LOTTE, THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING AND NOTHING- Wait, what? That makes no sense!

Director Todd: (throws another bigger spike-ball at her)

Christine: OWWW! HER FATHER PROMISED HER THAT HE WOULD SEND HER THE ANGEL OF MUSIC! HER FATHER'S A DOUSHE- BAG, HER FATHER'S A DOUSHE- BAG!

Audience: What the actual hec-

Shelby: (who is now part of the chorus) I don't think those lyrics are right...

Christine: YOU WERE ONCE MY ONE COMPANION- Wait, wasn't Raoul, like, my best childhood friend?

Director Todd: ...

Christine: What about the whole Little Lotte number? We seemed pretty tigh-

Director Todd: (throws another spike ball at her)

Christine: (dodges it) YOU WERE ALL THAT MATTERED! You, and my phone, and my Wi-Fi, and my Tumblr account and my Snap-chat, and my Instagram, and my Faceboo-

Director Todd: (throws a shaving knife at her, and misses)

Christine: What? Have you ever met a teenage girl whose only interest is in her dad?

Director Todd: My daughter does.

Johanna: (is laughing at texts)

Director Todd: Who are you texting? (sharpens knives)

Johanna: Anthony... Why?

Christine: You just got PWNED! And by you're own daugh-

Director Todd: (super mad) SING!

Christine: YOU WERE ONCE, A FRIEND! A FATHER! Well, duh! THEN MY WORLD WAS SHATTERED! (looks at her dad's grave thoughtfully) WISHING YOU WERE SOMEHOW HERE AGAIN!

Gustave's grave: (a decomposing hand jets out of the ground)

Christine: (steps on it) DIE ZOMBIE DAD! DDIIIIEEEE!

Audience: I'm confused... is this Phantom, or an episode of Paranormal Activity?

Christine: (acts like nothing happened) WISHING YOU WERE SOMEHOW NEAR! Not anymore... SOMETIMES IT SEEEEMMMMEEDD! IF I JUST DREAMED! SOMEHOW, YOU WOULD BE HEERRREE! You are here! Just under 10 feet of frozen dirt.

Byron: Did she honestly just say that?

Shelby: Yup.

Christine: WISHING I COULD HEAR YOU'RE VOICE AGAIN! KNOWING THAT I NEVER WILL! DREAMING OF YOUUU! WON'T HELP ME TO DO! ALL THAT YOU DREAMED I COULD! Wait, I'm talking to my dad, right?

Director Todd: Yes.

Christine: And he kicked the bucket?

Director Todd: Yes.

Christine: And everyone's O.k with the fact that I'm asking a dead guy for guidance in a serious, life-threatening situation, instead of, you know, GOING TO THE POLICE?

Everyone: Pretty much...

Shelby: I would go to a psychologist if I were you...

Christine: PASSING BELLS AND SCUPLTED ANGELS-

Chopin: WHO IS THE MONSTER AND WHO IS THE MAAAANNNN-

Christine: What the f-

Chopin: SING THE BELLS, BELLS, BELLS, BELLS, BELLS, BELLS, BELLS, BELLS! BELLSS OF NOTRE DAAAAAAMMMMMMMEEEEE! (what movie is this from?)

Christine and Chorus: AHHHHH, HA AHH! AHHH, HAH AAAHHH! AAAHHHH HAH HAH AHAH, HAH AHHHHHH!

Director Todd: (Shoots them down with Meg's candy gun)

Christine: NOOOO! I LOVE THAT MOVIE!

Director Todd: Don't care.

Christine: You're a demon.

Director Todd: Correction: The Demon Barber On Fleet **Street...** You're welcome.

Christine: (rolls eyes) COLD AND MONUMENTAL! SEEM FOR YOU THE WRONG COMPANIONS! YOU WERE WARM AND GENTLE...ON MOST DAYS!

Audience: ?!

Christine: TOO MANY YEARS FIGHTING BACK TEARS! WHY CAN'T THE PAST JUST DIIIEEE! Well, you did.

Byron: ?

Christine: WISHING YOU WERE SOMEHOW HERE AGAIN! KNOWING WE MUST SAY GOOD- BYE! TRY TO FORGIVE- what did I do? TEACH ME TO LIVE! Because I obviously can't... GIVE ME THE STRENGHT TO TRYYYY! NO MORE MEMORIES! NO MORE SILENT TEARS!

Phantom: Those "silent tears" caused a lot of rockslides underground, thank you very much!

Christine: Whatever! NO MORE GAZING ACROSS THE WASTED YEARS! HELP ME SAY GOOD-BYE! HELP ME SAY GOOODD- BBBYYYYYYYEEEEEE!

Audience: (applaud... very confused)

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Hope you guys liked it! Please R&R!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Thank you, guys for reviewing... The winners of the last contest are: **

**Not A Ghost3**

**GuitarGirl97**

**XXPay4XtraShippingsXX**

**Just A Guest**

**Congrats you guys! You're in this chapter! The answer for the questionare was Disney's The Hunchback of Notre Dame. BEST DISNEY MOVIE EVER!**

**-and I have a surprise for you guys...EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED THIS STORY WILL BE IN DON JUAN TRIUMPHANT AND/ OR THE FINAL LAIR SCENE! Or you'll be in the Coney Island Waltz. Unless you don't want to be... Respond in your reviews.**

* * *

_Chapter Twenty: Wandering Child and Bravo Monsieur:_

* * *

Christine: (sitting at her father's grave, talking on her phone) Hello? Dr. Wislow? Yes, I'd like to reschedule my appointment from next week to tomorrow, if that's O.K with you. Why?

Phantom: (pops out behind it) WANDERING CHILD-

Christine: (annoyed) No reason... I'm sorry, but I have to call you back, later. So tomorrow at 8? Thank you! Bye! (turns to the Phantom) What do you want, now?

Phantom: SO LOST, SO HELPLESS-

Christine: Watch it, Bub.

Phantom: My name is Erik!

Christine: (face-palm)

GuitarGirl97: You really don't get sarcasm, do you?

Phantom: Whatever. YEARNING FOR MY GUIDANCE!

Christine: ANGEL OR FATHER, FRIEND OR PHANTOM- Gosh, I'm an idiot. WHO IS IT THERE, STARING?

Phantom: (is behind Christine) HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN YOUR ANNGGGEELLL? Falling for the same trick again.

Christine: Stop stalking me! Its creepy!

Director Todd: Who cares?! SING!

Christine: (almost flips the bird at him, but doesn't)

Audience Mother: Oh look...She's giving him the lucky finger...

Audience Children: Cool! (starts giving the Director the lucky finger)

Director Todd: (Snap in z-formation) Oh no, she di-n't!

Audience Mom: DON'T DO THAT, SARA!

Sara: (sad) But you said it was the lucky finger...

Director Todd: (holds up a jar full of money)

Christine: What is that?

Director Todd: It's a Swear Jar.

Christine and the Phantom: What?

Director Todd: You heard me. Every-time someone swears, they put a dollar in the swear jar! I made $56 bucks off the Ballet Ra-

Christine: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Back the truck up! The infamous serial killer on Fleet Street whose bakes people into pies has a swear jar?

Director Todd: Pretty much.

Christine: That's just messed up.

Phantom: I agree with the ignenue.

Christine: Hey!

Not A Ghost3: It's true. You know it is.

Director Todd: Just sing!

Christine: ANGEL, OH SPEAK! WHAT ENDLESS LONGINGS! ECHO IN THIS, WHISPEEERRRR!

Phantom: TOO LONG YOU'VE WANDERED IN WINTER-

Raoul: ONCE AGAIN SHE IS HIS!

Christine: What is with you people and following me?

Phantom: It's my job...

Christine: (raises an eyebrow, then turns to Raoul) What's you're excuse?

Raoul: Umm...I...um... well...

Just A Guest: (hits Raoul in the back of the head with a stick) Typical.

Christine: Don't you people have lives?

Phantom: Do you?

Christine: (puts money in the swear jar)

Shippings: YOU JUST GOT PWNED! (high-5's Phantom)

Director Todd: SING! OR ELSE I SHAVE YOU ALL!

Johanna: (pausing to look up from her IPhone) That means he's gonna kill yo-

Christine, Raoul, and the Phantom: WE GET IT!

Director Todd: Just sing!

Phantom: FAR FROM MY STALKE- I MEAN FATHERING GAZE!

Raoul: ONCE AGAIN SHE RETURNS!

Christine: Let's get something straight here. I came here by myself to talk to my dead dad.

Raoul and Phantom: (raise eyebrows)

Christine: It's not weird.

Phantom: Bu-

Christine: WILDLY MY MIND BEATS AGAINST YOU- Yay! I'm not a complete ding-bat!

Phantom and Christine: YET YOUR/ MY SOUL OBEYYYSSSSS!

Raoul: TO THE ARMS OF HER-

Phantom and Christine: ANGEL OF MUSIC, I/ YOU DENIED ME! TURNING FROM TRUE BEAUTY-

Christine: Man, my standards are low.

Raoul: ANGEL OF MUSIC, ANGEL OR DEMON? STILL HE CALLS HER YET-

Phantom: And you wonder why I don't like you...

Raoul: BRING HER BACK FROM THE GRAVE! What?

Christine and the Phantom: ANGEL OF MUSIC DO NOT SHUN ME/ MY PROTECTOR SLASH STALKER-

Audience: ?

Christine: What? You know it's true.

Raoul: ANGEL OF MUSIC, DARK SEDUCER-

Christine: (starts jumping up and down) Nothing happened! I left my stockings at his house after I spilled jam on them!

Raoul: Yeah right!

Both: (start arguing)

Phantom: (face-palm)

GuitarGirl97: (To Director Todd) May I?

Director Todd: I'm not complaining...

GuitarGirl97: (blows an air-horn in Christine and Raoul's ears)

Raoul and Christine: OWWW!

Christine: (touches her ears) My ears are still ringing...

Raoul: I think my left ear died!

GuitarGirl97: (blows the air-horn in his ear again)

Raoul: (jumps up) What was that for? Do you want me to become deaf?!

Just A Guest: This is the season of giving! We're giving you the gift of silence. (high-fives Christine)

Shippings: (air-horns Raoul again) Silence! Silence! Silence!

Not A Ghost: (pokes him with a sharp stone)

Christine: It brings me great joy to see him suffer... (evil laughter)

Phantom and the Fan-girls: (group hug)

Director Todd: CONTINUE SINGING! YOU-

Everyone: We know!

Phantom and Christine: COME TO ME/ YOUR STRANGE ANGEL!

Raoul: WHO IS THIS STRANGE ANGEL?

Phantom: I AM YOUR ANGEL OF MUSIC, COME TO ME ANGEL OF MUSIC!

Christine: Are those sequins on your cape?

Phantom: No. They're black diamond pieces.

Christine: (squints) Nope. They're sequins.

Raoul: (smirking) Whose the fop now?

Phantom: (throws fireball at him) I AM YOUR ANGEL OF MUSIC! COME TO ME, ANGEL OF MUSIC!

Raoul: Angel of darkness, cease this torment!

Christine: Shut the full cup! (walks super slow towards the Phantom)

Phantom: I AM YOUR ANGEL OF MUSIC! COME TO ME, ANGEL OF MUSIC!

Raoul: Christine, Christine, listen to me! Whatever you may believe, this man, this thing-

Phantom: I'm standing right here.

Raoul: -is not your father! (to the Phantom) Let her go! For God sakes, let her go!

Phantom: Lemme think about it... yeah no. I AM YOUR ANGEL OF MUSIC, COME TO ME ANGEL OF MUSIC!

Raoul: Christine!

Christine: (is still entranced)

Shippings: (air-horns her)

Christine: GAAAHHH! Raoul! (runs to him, and hugs him) God let me come out of this with my hearing...

Raoul: (tries to kiss her)

Christine: (slaps him) P-D-A!

Phantom: BRAVO MONSIEUR! SUCH SPIRITED WORDS!

Christine: (runs around the stage like a headless chicken)

Raoul: More tricks Monsieur? More violence and bloodshed?

Phantom: I like that idea! (throws fire at Raoul) Let's see monsieur, how far you dare go!

Raoul: WHOA! He's a fire-bender?

Everyone: (face-palm)

Raoul: (grabs Christine's arm)

Christine: Let go of me! If anyone is becoming human bacon its you!

Just A Guest, Shippings, Not A Ghost, and GuitarGirl97: (start throwing fire at Raoul) BURN BABY! BURN BABE!

Christine: THAT'S WHAT WE'RE SAYING! NOW BURN, BURN!

Raoul: Whose side are you on?

Christine: The Fan-girls side.

Fan-girls: YEAHHH!

Raoul: You can't win her love, by making her your prisoner!

Phantom: (throws more fire at him) You think that's gonna stop me?

Christine: Do I have a say in any of this?

Raoul and the Phantom: NO!

Phantom: (still throws fire at Raoul) I'm here! The angel of Death! BWAHAHAHA! Roast, fop! Roast!

Raoul: (hair catches fire) AHHHH! MY HAIRRRR! TAKE CHRISTINE INSTEAD!

Christine: (is sitting on the other end of the stage eating popcorn with the fan-girls, and E/C shippers) HEY!

Not A Ghost3: Why pay $7 for a movie ticket, when this is an option?

Christine: (looks at the time) Aww, come on! I have to go save the Royal Pain sorry hide, now...

Fan-girls: (disappointed) Awww...

Christine: (whispering) Don't worry! I'll mess him up a bit for ya.

Everyone: YAY!

Phantom: (is watching Raoul struggle) Don't stop, don't stop!

Christine and Raoul: (run out of the graveyard)

Phantom: (super angry) SO BE IT! NOW LET IT BE WAR UPON YOU BOTH! (burns down the graveyard)

Christine: I didn't do anything!

* * *

**That's Chapter 20 for ya! Hope you guys like it! **

**Just A Guest: I agree with you! I got the Hellfire song on my phone, as well as Out there and The Bells Of Notre Dame, and it's amazing...like a super watered down Disney Phantom!**

**And the question o' the chapter is: How many times is the word "beautiful," or "beauty" used in LND? Reward: You get to lead the Fan army in the Final Lair!**

**Please R&R! Until next time,**

**Soprano**


	21. Chapter 21

**hello again guys! Here's chapter 20:**

**But before that, a reviewer named Lacrimosa brought something up. I actually don't hate Raoul. (Ducks from flying objects) His lack of personality and stupidity annoys me, but I actually don't blame him for anything. He's just like a stereo-typical Disney prince. **

**I fully blame ALW for the awful ending. **

**B****ut if the ending was differant, we wouldn't like it as much... at least I don't think so. And I sort of agree with Lacrimosa, when I first watched the movie... I felt bad for everyone. **

**And I kinda like Raoul better in LND... (ducks from more flying objects) I mean, he's a jerk, but at least he has a bit more of a personality... and Simeon Gleeson has an awesome voice (fan-girl squee).  
**

**Any-who, the winners of the contest are:**

**Lacrimosa!**

**angelicdamnation**

**You guys are the leaders of the Fan-girl army, in the next chapter! Hope you like it! (evil smile)**

**The answer was 61! I actually watched LND, again, and tallied how many times they said beautiful/ beauty... I got really annoyed.**

**P.S: This chapter is based on the live performance of Phantom that I saw. In that version, Piagi was "portly" but not fat, and he was black, and the Phantom was quite tall, thin and not-black...and he had a thing for jumping onto high ledges in one leap. He literally jumped onto a table, in one leap!  
**

**So that's it! Without further distraction...THE PHANTOM'S OPERA!**

* * *

_Chapter Twenty-One: Don Juan Triumphant:_

* * *

(A couple months later... Seriously, if you can't perform a school play after a week of rehearsal, what makes you think you can perform an opera in a week?)

Raoul: (walks in with a couple soldiers, with rifles)

Chief: Do you understand your instructions?

Soldier: Ummm... you didn't give us any...

Chief: I didn't ask you a question!

Soldier #2: (whispering) Just nod you head.

Chief: When you hear the whistle, take up your positions. I then will instruct you to secure the doors. It is essential that all doors are properly secure.

Phantom: Have you ever seen me use a single door through this production?

Chorus: Nope.

Firmin: Are we doing the right thing?

Andre: Since when have we been concerned about doing the right thing? We can't even follow simple commands!

Firmin: Bu-

Andre: Do you have a better idea?

Chief: Monsieur le Vicomte, shall I give the order?

Raoul: Give the order! (points to random guy in the pit, texting) You. Do you have a clear view of that box?

Marksmen: Sure...

Raoul: Remember when the time comes, shoot. Only if you have to. But shoot to kill.

Phantom: I can still hear you!

Marksmen: How will I know, sir?

Raoul: You'll know.

Marksmen: That doesn't answer my question...

Raoul: Whatever.

Firmin: Are you sure this is gonna work? Will Miss Daae sing? All our other ideas failed miserably.

Raoul: Don't worry. I'm always right.

Everyone: (bursts out laughing)

Christine: What did I miss?

Carlotta: Raoul said he's always right.

Christine: (chokes on her own spit) Hilarious!

Piagi: Classic.

Chief: My men are now in position. SECURE THE DOORS!

Fireman: (say "secure" one at a time)

Phantom: I'M HERE, THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERRAAA!

Meg: (loading candy gun) It finally caught on!

Phantom: I'M HERE! I'M HERE! I'M HERE!

Marksmen: (shoots at Box 5)

Raoul: You idiot! You could have killed someone! I said only when the time comes!

Marksmen: You told me to shoot to kill. And that's what I did.

Raoul: You didn't kill anyone!

Marksmen: Was I supposed to?

Violinist in the pit: (hits him in the back of the head with her bow)

Marksmen: OWWW! But-

Phantom: NO "BUTS"-

Raoul, The Phantom and Soldiers: (snicker) He/ I said buts!

Christine: (face-palm)

Phantom: FOR ONCE, THE VICOMTE IS RIGHT! That's the only time I will ever say that. SEAL MY FATE TONIGHT, I HATE TO HAVE TO CUT THE FUN SHORT BUT THE JOKES' WEARING THIN! LET MY OPERA/ rip-off of Don Giovanni BEGGGGGGGGGGGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNN!

(Curtain rises)

Meg: (dressed like Lady Gaga)

Ballet Rats: (dressed like second rate Lady Gagas')

Meg: One, two, thre-

Firmin, Andre and the Phantom: NOOOOO!

Ballet Rats: OH-OH-OH-OH-OH-OH-OH-OH-OH-OH- WHOA! CAUGHT IN A BAD ROMANCE!

Christine: You have got to be kidding me! You promised you weren't doing that song!

Meg: People break promises, sometimes! RA, RA, RAAAAHH!

Natasha: RA-RA-ROOMMMAAMAA!

Gabrielle: GA-GA-OOOOHHH-LALALA!

All: WATCH YOUR BAD ROMANCE! (start break-dancing)

Meg: I WANT YOUR UGLY! I WANT YOUR DIESEASE-

Christine: (to Carlotta) Is she being serious right now?

Carlotta: Its so hard to tell...

Daphne: I WANT YOUR EVERYTHING!

Piagi: AS LONG AS ITS FREE!

Gabrielle: I WANT YOUR LOVE!

Meg and the Ballet Rats: LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! I WANT YOUR LOOOVVEE!

Natasha: CAN'T READ MY-

Gabrielle: CAN'T READ MY-

Ballet Rats: NO HE CANNOT READ MY POKER FACE!

Piagi: SHE'S GOT ME LIKE NOBODY!

All: CAN'T READ MY-CAN'T READ MY- NO HE CANNOT READ MY POKER FACE!

Piagi: SHE'S GOT ME LIKE NOBODY!

Director Todd: (is undergoing a heart attack)

Johanna: P-P-P-POKER FACE! P-P-POKER FAACCEE!

Chorus: MUM, MUM, MUM MAH!

Johanna: P-P-P-POKER FACE! P-P-POKER FACE!

Chorus: MUM-MUM-MUM-MAH! AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-

Carlotta: I LIVE FOR THE APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE!

The Managers, Raoul, and the Phantom: I agree with that.

Carlotta: I LIVE FOR THE APPLAUSE- PLAUSE! LIVE FOR THE APPLAUSE-PLAUSE! LIVE FOR THE WAY YOU CHEER AND SCREAM FOR ME! THE APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE!

Chorus: GIVE ME THAT THING I LOVE!

Ballet Rats: I'LL TURN THE LIGHTS OUT!

Chorus: PUT YOUR HANDS UP! MAKE THEM TOUCH-

Ballet Rats: MAKE IT REAL LOUD!

Chorus: GIVE ME THAT THING I LOVE!

Ballet Rats: I'LL TURN THE LIGHTS OUT!

Chorus: PUT YOUR HANDS UP! MAKE THEM TOUCH-

Ballet Rats: MAKE IT REAL LOUD!

All: LOUD-LOUD-LOUD-LOUD-LOUD-

Piagi: BECAUSE-

Christine: I'M BEAUTIFUL IN MY WAY! 'CAUSE GOD MAKES NO MISTAKES! I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK, BABY! I WAS BORN THIS WAYAYYY!

Chorus: OH THERE AINT NO OTHER WAY! BABY I WAS BORN THIS WAY!

Johanna: BABY I WAS BORN THIS WAAAYYY!

Phantom: I find this song slightly offensive...

Natasha: JUST DANCE!

Christine: GONNA BE OK!

Everyone: DADA DOODOO!

Director Todd: (is being shocked back to life by paramedics)

Daphne: JUST DANCE! GONNA BE OK-

Director Todd: (wakes up, and starts throwing sharp things at the actors) SING THE RIGHT SON-

Everyone: WE GET IT!

Piagi: Sheesh...

Christine: What a buzz-kill...

(Five minutes later; Curtains rise again)

Chorus: (is drinking heavily, and setting a huge table)

Meg: (drunk) HAHA! The magic of booze!

Madame Giry: (to the Managers) That is fake alcohol, right?

Andre: (laughs nervously) I wouldn't count on it...

Chorus: HEAR THE SIRE SERVES THE DAAAAAAMMMMM! HERE THE MASTER TAKES HIS MEEAAATT! HERE THE SACRIFICAL LAMB! HOLDS BACK ONE DESPAIRING BLEAATTT!

Carlotta, Piagi and the Chorus: POOR YOUNG MAIDEN! FOR THE THRILL ON YOUR TONGUE OF STOLEN SWEETS! YOU HAVE TO PAY THE BILL! TANGLE IN THE WINDING SHEEEEETTTTSSS!

Christine: (gulps) I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Carlotta, Piagi and the Chorus: SERVE THE MEAL, AND SERVE THE MAAIIIDD! Whatever that's supposed to mean! SERVE THE MASTER SO THAT WHEN TABLES, PLANS AND MAIDS ARE LAID-wait what?

Director Todd: (gritting his teeth) Why did you stop...

Meg: Who in 1881 would say laid?

Carlotta: Why is this opera so perverted? And why is it rated PG?

Ballet Rats: Ewwww!

Director Todd: Just, for the love of pete, continue!

Chorus: (rolls eyes) DON JUAN TRIUMPHS ONCE AGAAAAAIIIIINNNNN!

* * *

**No PONR in this chapter...I have to make it absolutely perfect for you guys! So, you must wait...BWAAHAHHHA! I'm sorry for all the Lady Gaga songs, but I had to make Carlotta sing "Applause" at least once. Its her anthem. Plz R&R!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Hello again, my fellow Phans! **

**Sorry for the long update. My computer started glitching, and fanfiction shut down...**

**This is the chapter that we've all been waiting for since the start. You asked me a lot on this, which is why I took some extra time to make it perfect...That, and the fact that I love this song...alot, and sing it all the time, with revised lyrics, (of course) Without further ado... PAST THE POINT OF NO RETURN!**

* * *

_Chapter Twenty-Two: Past The Point of No Return_

* * *

_(Previously on Phantastic Mr. Phantom)_

Chorus: HEAR THE SIRE SERVES THE DAAAAAAMMMMM! HERE THE MASTER TAKES HIS MEEAAATT! HERE THE SACRIFICAL LAMB! HOLDS BACK ONE DESPAIRING BLEAATTT!

Carlotta, Piagi and the Chorus: POOR YOUNG MAIDEN! FOR THE THRILL ON YOUR TONGUE OF STOLEN SWEETS! YOU HAVE TO PAY THE BILL! TANGLE IN THE WINDING SHEEEEETTTTSSS!

Christine: (gulps) I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Carlotta, Piagi and the Chorus: SERVE THE MEAL, AND SERVE THE MAAIIIDD! Whatever that's supposed to mean! SERVE THE MASTER SO THAT WHEN TABLES, PLANS AND MAIDS ARE LAID-wait what?

Director Todd: (gritting his teeth) Why did you stop...

Meg: (drunk) Who in 1881 would say laid? Why not... shagged?

Audience parents: (cover their children's ears)

Carlotta: It would be banged, not shagged.

Reyer: (sniffs Meg's drink) What is this?

Meg: (wasted) Scotchka's my frrrrriiiieeennndd!

Piagi: Wouldn't it be bonked?

Christine: Those are even worse... and they don't rhyme.

Carlotta: Why is this opera so perverted? And why is it rated PG?

Ballet Rats: Ewwww! We don't want to be plou-

Reyer: Why are we even having this conversation-

Director Todd: Just, for the love of pete, continue!

Chorus: (rolls eyes) DON JUAN TRIUMPHS ONCE AGAAAAAIIIIINNNNN!

Carlotta: (drags out Meg's drunk body) We'll get you fixed up...

Madame Giry: (beats the tar out of the Managers)

Meg: (still drinking) NOW THEN, MY FRIENDS! NOW DO YOUR PURPOSE! PATIENCE! ENJOY IT! REVENGE CAN'T BE TAKEN IN HA- (falls asleep... What musical is this from? Bonus point: What song is it?)

Piagi: I love that so-

Director Todd: SING!

Piagi/ Don Juan: PASSARINO, FAITHFUL FRRRIIIIEEENNNDDDD! ONCE AGAIN, RECITE THE PLAN!

Passarino: YOUR YOUNG GUEST BELIEVES I'M YOOOOUUUU! I, THE MASTER, YOU THE MAAANNNN!

Piagi: You the man?

Passarino: Seriously? Why all this modern language all of a sudd-

Director Todd: (Death glare)

Piagi/ Don Juan: WHEN YOU MET, YOU WORE MY CLOAK, WITH YOUR SCARF YOU HID YOUR FACE! SHE BELIEVES SHE DINES WITH ME IN THE MASTER'S BORROWED PLAAAACCCCCCCCCCCEEEEE-

Christine: (puts money in the swear jar)

Piagi/ Don Juan: FURTIVELY, WE'LL SCOFF AND QUAFF, STEALING WHAT, IN TRUTH, IS MINE-

Christine, Carlotta, and Meg: What?

Piagi/ Don Juan: WHEN ITS LATE, AND MODESTY STARTS TO MEDDLE WITH THE WINE-

Christine: I'm too young to drink...

Passarino: I COME HOME, I USE YOUR VOICE, SLAM THE DOOR, LIKE CRACK OF DOOM!

Piagi/ Don Juan: I WILL SAY, COME HIDE WITH ME! WHERE, OH WHERE, OF COURSE MY ROOM!

Christine: I'm still in high school!

Piagi: (whispering to Christine) Nothing personal!

Passarino: POOR THING HASN'T GOT A CHHHHANNNCCEE!

Christine: So his plan is to get me drunk, and then bang me?

Johanna: Pretty much...

Christine and Carlotta: He's dead-

Meg: (holds them back) Not yet...

Piagi/ Don Juan: HERE'S MY HAT, MY, CLOAK AND SWORD, CONQUEST IS ASSURED, IF I DO NOT FORGET MYSELF AND LAUGH...HAHAHAHA! (gives Passarino his stuff)

Christine/ Amita: (enters as Piagi and Passarino leave) NO THOUGHTS WITHIN HER HEAD, BUT THOUGHTS OF JOOYYY, AND KILLING PIAGI! NO DREAMS WITHIN HER HEART BUT DREAMS OF LOOOVVVEE, AND GUTTING THE PHANTOM!

Piagi and the Phantom: (shiver)

Passarino: MASTEEERRRR?

Don Juan/ Phantom: PASSARINO! GO AWAIT FOR THE TRAP IS SET, AND WAIT FOR ITS PRRREEYYY!

Christine: (breathing with her inhaler) I hate this, I hate this, I hate this...

Phantom: (covered in a black cloak)

Christine: Did anyone else notice that our 'Don Juan' has lost like two tons of weight? And sounds completely different, or is it just me?

Phantom: Shut it, or you'll blow my cover!

Christine: You've already blown your own cover. Why hasn't anyone shot at you yet?

Guards, Madame Giry, Johanna and Meg: (playing multi-player Gladiator on the X-Box)

Madame Giry: (pressing random buttons furiously) Go! go! Cut off his head, Meg!

Meg: (pressing random buttons) I'm trying!

Johanna: (is winning) Ha! I just cut off your head, Greg!

Greg the Guard: Aww, c'mon!

Johanna: I'm gonna rip you head off! GAAAHHHH! *eye twitch*

Director Todd: (to Christine and the Phantom) Do you think this will affect her, in the future?

Phantom: Maybe?

Christine: Definitely.

Director Todd: (throws spike-balls at them) SING!

Both: OWWW!

Phantom: YOU HAVE COME HERE! IN PURSUIT OF YOUR DEEPEST URGE-

Christine: You are tying way too hard to sound like Piagi-

Phantom: Whatever. IN PURSUIT OF THAT WISH-

Christine: Channing Tatum's here?

Phantom: Ummm, no...

Christine: Taylor Lautner?

Phantom: No...

Christine: Gerald Butl-

Phantom: Again, no! You didn't let me finish! IN PURSUIT OF THAT WISH, WHICH TILL NOW HAS SILENT, SILENT!

Christine: Your repeating your words again...

Phantom: I HAVE BROUGHT YOOUUUU! THAT OUR PASSIONS MAY FUSE AND MERGE-

Christine: I have pepper spray...

Audience parents: (cover their children's ears)

Phantom: IN YOUR MIND, YOU'VE ALREADY SUCCUMBED TO ME-

Christine: (looks in the dictionary) Oh hel-

Phantom: DROP ALL DEFENSES, COMPLETELY SUCCUMB TO MMEEEEE!

Christine: What is not clear to you about the phrase, 'I have pepper spray?'

Phantom: AND NOW YOU ARE HERE WITH ME!

Christine: Ohhhh! An apple (tries to eat it)

Phantom: NO SECOND THOUGHTS (takes her apple) '

Christine: (unhappily) Aww, my apple!

Phantom: YOU'VE DECIDED (hands her a really big cup of wine) DECIDED!

Christine: I'm seventeen... You do know that, right?

Phantom: Awkward...PAST THE POINT OF NO RETURN! NO BACKWARD GLANCES! OUR GAMES OF MAKE-BELIEVE ARE AT AN END! Drink the wine.

Christine: What is it? It's non-alchoholic, right?

Phantom: I think its scotchka...

Christine: (raises an eyebrow) You expect me to drink this? Its huge!

Phantom: Drink it!

Christine: No!

Phantom: Drink it!

Christine: No!

Phantom: Drink it!

Christine: No!

Phantom: Drink it!

Christine: Fine! (tries to drink it)

Chorus: Chug, chug, chug, chug...

Phantom: PAST THE POINT OF IF, OR WHEN! NO USE RESISTING! (half drags a tipping Christine) ABANDON THOUGHT AND LET THE DREAM DESCEND!

Christine: How far are we descending, here?

Phantom: WHAT RAGING FIRE WILL FLOOD THE SOUL-

Christine: You mean heart-burn? I have some Tums for that...

Phantom: That's not what I meant! WHAT RICH DESIRE UNLOCKS ITS DOOR? WHAT SWEET SEDUCTION LIES BEFORE US?

Christine: None.

Phantom: (starts touching Christine) PAST THE POINT OF NO RETURN! THE FINAL THRESHOLD! WHAT WARM UNSPOKEN SECRETS WILL WE LEARNNN?

Christine: (eyes wide open, and jaw drops) P...D...A...

Phantom: (still touching Christine) BEYOND THE POINT OF NOOO REEEETTTTUUURRRRN-

Christine: (runs away from him) Creep.

Phantom: Hey! Raoul did that in "All I Ask of You" and you were ok with it!

Christine:...

Director Todd: (snaps Christine doll in half) I've been looking all over for these things!

Christine: Fine! YOU HAVE BROUGHT ME! TO THAT FOUNTAIN WHERE WORDS RUN DRY! What the heck? TO THAT MOMMENT, WHERE SPEECH DISAPPEARS INTO SILENCE, SILENCE! Aww, now I'm doing it!

Phantom: (smirks)

Christine: (spins around with a plastic smile) Why aren't you people firing your guns at him?

Guards: We don't feel like it.

Christine: Grrr... I HAVE COME HERE, HARDLY KNOWING THE REASON WHY! No kidding... IN MY MIND, I'VE ALREADY IMAGINED OUR- I am not saying that.

Director Todd: You have to!

Christine: He's like 15 years older than me!

Phantom: So?

Christine: You are such a perv.

Director Todd: Just sing it!

Christine: Finnee... IN MY MIND, I'VE ALREADY IMAGINED OUR BODIES ENTWINING, DEFENSELESS AND SILENT! Uhh, gross!

Meg: (laughs) Not so sil-

Christine: (rips Meg doll in half with her teeth)

Meg: Jeez... Calm down.

Christine: PAST THE POINT OF NO RETURN! NO GOING BACK NOW! OUR PASSION PLAY HAS NOW AT LAAST BEGUUUNNNN! PAST THE POINT OF RIGHT OR WRONG-(sit-jumps on the Phantom) ONE FINAL QUESTION! HOW LONG SHOULD WE TO WAIT BEFORE WE'RE ONNNNEEE!

Phantom: (locks hands with Christine)

Christine: What are we doing?

Phantom: I wrote this, and I still have no idea...

Christine: Beats me... WHEN WILL THE BLOOD BEGIN TO RACE? THE SLEEPING BUD BURST INTO BLOOOM?

Both: What?

Christine: Where you somber when you wrote this?

Phantom: I chose not to answer that.

Christine: WHEN WILL THE FLAMES AT LAST CONSUME USSSS? (tries to run away from the Phantom)

Phantom: (grabs her arm)

Both: PAST THE POINT OF NO RETURN! THE FINAL THRESHOLD! THE BRIDGE IS CROSSED SO STAND, AND WATCH IT BURRRNNNN! What? WE'VE PAST THE POINT OF NOOO RREE-

Christine: TURN! (pulls off the hood) I knew it!

Phantom: (tries to flee)

Guards: (do their job for once)

Phantom: Y'know, you could have shot at me like, 700 times by now?

Greg the Guard: And miss a good Gladiator game? No way!

Phantom: (turns to Christine) SAY YOU'LL SHARE WITH ME ONE LOVE, ONE LIFETIME-

Christine: Oh, come on! You're using Raoul's proposa-

Phantom: LEAD ME, SAVE ME FROM MY SOLITUDE! SAY YOU WANT ME WITH YOU HERE, BESIDES YOU (takes a ring of his finger)-

Christine: (puts her hands on her hips) Are you guilt-tripping me?

Phantom: I chose not to answer that... ANYWHERE YOU GO LET ME GO TOO!

Christine: You already do that.

Phantom: (puts the ring on her finger) CHRISTINE, THHAAATTTTSSS ALLL III AASKKK OOFFFF-

Christine: (pulls off his mask to find another one beneath it)

Phantom: I came prepared!

Christine: (starts frantically ripping off masks) How many masks do you have?

Phantom: (shrugs) I still can't believe I haven't gotten shot at ye-

Christine: (rips off his real mask and wig, and pepper sprays him) Finally! My arms are soo tired!

Phantom: GAAAHHHH! MY EYESSSS! THEY BURRRNNN!

Christine: That's why they call it pepper spray.

Phantom: (grabs Christine and runs off with her)

Soliders: (shoot at him)

Raoul: Don't shoot! You'll kill someone!

Marksmen: That's what you wanted me to do!

Phantom: (throws fire at them)

Ballet Rats: (find Piagi's dead body) Oh dear...

Everyone: (decides to go running around, screaming for no good reason instead of getting the police, or medical attention)

Carlotta: What just happened? (sees Piagi) UBBALLDDOOOO! WHYYYY! (starts beating the tar out of the Managers)

Meg: (sees Piagi) NOOOO! MY GUN-BUDDY! (starts firing her candy gun in random directions) I WILL AVENGER YOOUUU!

Madame Giry: (to Raoul) Do you think that this will come back to bite us?

Raoul: Not a chance...

Madame Giry: (texting) BTW, I know where Christine and Mr. Crazy are...

Raoul: You do?

Madame Giry: (unemotionally) Yeah...

Raoul: Aren't you supposed to be affected by this?

Everyone else: (chaos)

Madame Giry: (still texting) Yeah, I guess. But I'm just surprised no one else saw this coming...

Raoul: Will you show me where he lives?

Madame Giry: Sure... But keep your hands at the level of your eyes.

Raoul: Why?

Madame Giry: (still texting, points at Piagi's corpse)

Meg: Like this, Monsieur. (shows him)

Madame Giry: (runs off the stage with Raoul) Hurry or we shall be too late... Like I even care! She got herself into this.

* * *

**Hope you liked this chapter! I worked on it all day! I'm still accepting songs for the Final Lair scene! **

**Second Question O' the Day: How many times do the characters say ten long years in LND?  Bonus point: who says it the most?**

**Until next time,**

**Soprano**


End file.
